one who lives to fulfil her dreams and nothing else...

2010-02-06T06:20:00.004+08:00

i feel so depressed and lonely, in front of any other ppl, except you, i can't seem to let all out. but too bad, you're always the one who's not interested in it. when i needed your company, you're always not there. you don't empathize how i feel at all.

you always break your promiseS, so much so that breaking promises is a habit to you. you don't even care how i felt bout the broken promises... i rmb each promises you made, and pin great hopes in it,even after you broke it again and again... until now, i realise you don't even give a shit to any promises you made anymore... it will always be," oh i'm sorry darling..." sometimes can be " i told you alr right, why must you still make a big fuss bout it! "

you really had me.... you really had my heart,but it just seem like a game to you. i know that you didn't want me as badly as i want you. i can cry when i think bout you... and those tears are from an expression face, flowing down.just staring on the computer screen,watching a comedy, but didn't laugh at all, typing this post with my heart bleeding,no one cares at all.

i know i'm tired, i really feel like sleeping, but my eyes won't close. i can't stay still in bed.i can't help thinking of you.i really hate myself for being so weak,perhaps i realise that i'm just a loner. with no one at all...

STUDIES...

i really don't get it, why for my results, i can't even get into poly... isn't this too unfair, same situation as my other friends, but why is the end result so different??? this is so unfair!!! i retained a year, and studied hard,and got a better results... but why??? why must i still go to ite!!!! i really really can't accept this fact...... even my friends are shock bout it, and can't believe it.... how am i to bear all this by myself.... i really really broke down already.... i really feel so helpless and lonely..... it's so cold and empty here.....so cold.... and empty...... sobs..........................

2010-01-11T04:54:00.002+08:00

suddenly, i miss my secondary school friends, the batch that graduated with me, but i'm the one left behind... those memories that we've got since sec 1 kept playing on my mind... the time we sing "she will be loved" so awfully and softly, and everyone can't even reach the " she .... be loved, she .... be lov-e-d.... " i'm trying to recall, since when, did i get disconnected from their world, just as i rmb, it's secondary 3, when each of us got separated, somehow others have get on with their life knowing new ppl, but i'm the only one that stay behind...

the " ANTI- THAM Campaign " and alot alot more..... all in a short time became our past, that have been gone for so long.... now, if you ask me, secondary school friends, who's there,i really don't think i can reply.

going to poly le, new environment, i'm so sure that i gonna see ppl that i know... who's more senior than me... how will it be.... will i still be as anti social... oh gosh.... i can't imagine...

2010-01-06T04:03:00.002+08:00

BOYFRIEND ISSUE.

I don't despise him. But to many others, he's a boyfriend that "it's better not to have." He really is trying very hard, but somehow it's not enough. Sometimes i really wonder, "Is it too much for him? Is he coping well? Is he catching up with me? Or just let me wander further and further from him? "

Somehow, in some way, i blame his behaviour on his family. The kinda upbringing,seem to make his life aimless. He has no goal,perhaps have, but the wrong type of goal. I somehow realise, that people acknowledge him, and agree that he continue to be my boyfriend, is because he get me out of the darkness i used to sink into. I tried my best to let go, of that scary past that still wakes me up in sleep, but i'm still unable to.

BUT PEOPLE, I REALLY NEED HIM. I LOVE HIM. But in this reality, he must be someone. HE MUST BE SOMEONE. Someone that i not only can rely psychologically,physically,but also financially. So that we can have a HAPPY EVER AFTER.

Being with him, i became insensitive of other guys around me, as in, i somehow don't hesitate to reject anyone just because of him. I've also learn to be more thrifty. As time pass by, i realise that, i really worry about his everything. About his future, about his present. Especially his health. However, perhaps to him, i'm just too bothersome. Did i care too much,sometimes i wonder,i really wonder...But i'm really those kinda girlfriend, that can just send him panadols, and go home( I live in lakeside,and him in admiralty. ) Is those kinda girlfriend very wrong? I'm really worried about his swollen hand. I'm afraid if there's any fracture... HANDS, are very important,if there's any old injuries after that, the pain will really be long term. However, he almost never listen to me.

I realise that money is the root of all evil is quite true too... Without money,you'll be despised... Others will " look you no up " but you can't do anything bout it...

The word success,it's so simple to just say this 7 words. But the hardwork and determination behind this is really so so so much... so much so that i really wonder that this word will one day me under my descriptions. to think of this, i really fear, what's in front of me.

I said that i want to open a shop that sells fruits, fruit juices, fruit smoothies, and some food; by keng hoon. It's really so much more easy to say, but as i said, i realise that there's so much more that i have to do, and that i've accomplished none.What am i do, someone tell me...

I took my hat off my uncle,salute! He is really successful. A story that my family is proud of... Will i be the next? hahas... Let's all wait and see... :)

2009-12-13T04:04:00.001+08:00

wow.. it's been so long since i've blogged... i just found this new skin and finally it works.... but i don't know what to do with the "about me" and all the other stuff.. so well... i'll just leave it first untill i've found someone who knows how to do it.... meanwhile... i've lost all the links... try to link me back if possible.....^^

2009-08-16T19:22:00.000+08:00

I really don't know why, i getting more and more helpless... more and more hopeless.... suddenly, i feel that my studies seemed to be dragging me, i can't neglect it, and go to work, neither can i study, and have got no income...

this is definitely not fair... why am i born in such a poor family... from outside, it may seem ok... perhaps my family's not poor, instead, i am... why can others just concentrate on their o levels and nothing else? why do i have to care so much about so many other stuff other than my own studies....

fairytales will NEVER be real.... no one will stand by me and help me if i've got any probs.... no one will... i'm always solving things by myself, by hook or by crook.... when will i be able to walk out of this poverty.... this is just so sickening... i'm tired of having so much worries, i really am....

will someone get me if i fall? lols.. i doubt so bahs.... perhaps, when anyone discover it, i'd be dead.... sigh..... i'm really overwhelmed with troubles..... my shoulders are breaking, with all the burdens on my shoulder.....

i do not know when i'll be able to tahan, and hold on to this and walk thru all this without losing my humanity.... i doubt any normal family need to right.... sigh.......but why must i? am i the abnormal one? sigh... someone help....

2009-07-30T20:47:00.001+08:00

SICKENING BROTHER...

2009-07-25T15:16:00.003+08:00

Darling, darling, darling, it hurts me to see you in so much pain, crying non-stop, and i just can't do anything to help, but to try console you.....your tears are uncontrollable anymore.... but i would wanna tell you that,i will walk with you through this darkest days of your life, like how you hold my hands and walk out my darkest days.... i really hope i can do something, but i know i can't, i'm not a god, neither am i a fairy,i hope the fact turned out isn't that bad, i hope there's still cure for your dad.i know you need him alot... your life is all bout him... i can't imagine the days without him.... if not, my darling will not be happy anymore, he will start putting on fake smiles everyday... trying to convince himself that it's ok... but deep inside, his heart shatters, and bleeds...it hurts me to see you like this, but at least you wouldn't hide your tears from me....

syg ar syg.... you must be strong... you have got to take care of the family.... and you're the only man in the family.... don't worry, i will stand by you.... and try to help you as much as possible....

gods from all religious, gods from everywhere in the world,i beg you please and let it be nth... perhaps,a miracle, of having a wrong report....i really hope nth would have happen....

2009-07-19T23:18:00.002+08:00

yee le post this paragraph in his blog... hahas.. i'm really touch that he post this... he makes me miss secondary school friends.... only some of them of cos... hahas...

this is what he post:

Before i forget about this,i would like to thank Dian Yong for being there for me too all these years while i was in secondary school. I promise i will never forget the girl who is in need of someone who really cares for her and is determined to strive for what she wants in her life. I hope that she is doing well in school and i would like to tell her that if she ever needs my help one day, i'll be there to lend her my hands. Thanks so much Dian Yong,take care and don't give up ok? Strive and you shall achieve,nothing is impossible as long as you believe in yourself. Be strong and hang on. Cheers =D

the other time evon told me, actually when we all graduate, the person she missed most is me.. hahas.. i damn happy lar... BUT... surprisingly i go back find her, so the person she missed most is wei qi now.. hmm.. i think if i leave sch once again, i really can't forget de is evon also bahs.. tak boleh tahan her stupidness.. hahas.. dumbness too.. hahas...^^

2009-07-15T14:15:00.003+08:00

hmm... upon viewing my ex classmates pictures, really miss them alot, people like ikadjon,iqin, and even yee le, the first person i know in my secondary school...but i seems pretty far away from them... everybody has changed so much, getting more handsome, if not, prettier.... finally, Le has got a gf, hahas.. indeed he kept his words.... "i'm not gonna have a gf until i finish o level," is that what he say, er.. something like that bahs... hahas... and now he got a gf... hahas.... well, i do find it ironic, to see my good friend attach, maybe not used to it bahs..hahas....

I REALLY MISS MY EX-CLASSMATES... WHY NOT LET'S GO OUT AGAIN ONE DAY, AFTER I FINISH MY SECOND O LEVEL... one step behind them...

2009-07-15T14:02:00.000+08:00

i hate you! i hate you!!! it's always empty promises!!! what else?!!?!? whole load of bullshit excuses!!!! what else?!?!?!!? i hate you!!!!!!!!

2009-05-24T17:01:00.002+08:00

it's gonna be our 9th month soon.....and at this time,i really think we should break up, looking at the situation now... lols.. you'll always be in my memories....although,in real life, we can't meet anymore....at this state, even if you go find other girls, i really got no comment bout it... but you told me you won't,i don't know if i can trust your words,if that will maintain, the way it is,for long.... sigh... i do not dare to think bout it... but everytime i think of you, i really feel like crying lar.... in school already cried alot of times le...sobs... totally no mood to study... darling, i really wanna see you wor... why are we forbidden.... it's damn sad lar... we fight with all our might to be together, while SHE keeps stopping us... forcing us to break up... i hate it lar....

i really really wonder if she's the one destined to destroy me from who i am... i really dislike it... i hate her, i hate her assumptions... these are all bullshit!!! i can't tell anybody bout this.... i... i... arg!! fuck it man!!!

only the policeman, my mum, keng hoon, darling and me know what exactly happen... my mum says she's protecting me, not gonna tell anyone bout it,but she threatened to tell han's dad and nenek if i meet him ever again.. damn it!! she's the only threat to me lar!!! arg.. i hate her!!!!

2009-05-21T20:16:00.002+08:00

sigh.... recently really feel like a zombie... totally expressionless everyday... don't even feel like doing anything, not to say blogging, bye.. am off...

2009-05-17T19:43:00.003+08:00

hmmm.... ytd... nth much lar... after work, actually suppose to go play pool, but instead we followed sean's plan, and went to city hall, for the dirt bike event with sean,gaan jie,syahmi,ken,han, and me... but on our way there, there's a lot of waiting... and we got lost and spent alot alot of time finding for the location, and we walk for a long long way... feel damn tired and frustrated cos of the waiting.... and worst of all,when we find the place we head back, due to the crowd,it's impossible to see a shit.

then we went makan at food court, and then head back to woodlands and slack at the civic centre mac, syahmi and one of his fren joined us later... it's damn funny lar.. seriously... hahas...

i played a few game...

1)omchi-omchi
2)chop-chilli-chop
3)the game that guess the word for the actions you do de.. forgotten what name
4)R-O-C-K rock!
5)chicken game
6)saa-sii

2009-05-05T12:38:00.005+08:00

really don't understand something, why are some ppl so thick skin, why are they so... eeee.... arg!disgusting lar.... think highly of themselves, and dunno where they stand, that's so irritating lar... aiya.. whatever it is, is their prob lar... just don't step into my path can le... lols.. like what hai ming like to say,your father wild dog, your mother female dog ar.. lols.... damn funny....

2nd May 2009,

The string snapped.

DARLING, I LOVE YOU... HEEX.... SEE YOU IN AN HOUR'S TIME!!

2009-04-28T14:19:00.002+08:00

As if i really love to get ill.... do you think i wanna be ill?!?!? i hate you guys you know.... i hate the school!!!!! i've never like it ever since i entered.... fuck that flint stone, purposely asked what happen when he knows what everything happened.... you guys suckS!!!! i HATE HATE HATE you all!!!!! i'm so damn sick of all these!!!! how bout you guys get the illness instead, how bout you guys get sick instead?!?!?! har! damn sheese pie!!! fucking irritating sia.... day by day tell me, you keep falling ill, i also dunno what to do with you!!! fuck lar!!! i want it de ar?!!?!!?! sheese pie!!! arg!!!!! damn angry, irritated and stressed up!!!! mid year coming, still falling ill everytime!!!! wtf wtf!!!!!!

2009-04-20T18:43:00.002+08:00

aiyo.... nose bleeding nose bleeding nose bleeding!!!! bled for more than 1 hours of blood... and it still continues later part of the day... arg!!!!!!!!! irritating.... bleed till i feel so giddy liao, missed sch... AGAIN.... gosh... i really damn scared sia... i scared i can't catch up with the sch.. i scared i failed everything all over again... arg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what am i suppose to do!!!!!

ytd met syiqin and hendra... hahas... really so so so happy to see them lar... hahas..... syiqin and her "not her hair"(she don't like ppl to say it's fake, but you know, it is..heex...) and so.. we came out with a few stupid qns... which is like damn lame...... =.=''' hahas.. but we enjoy talking to each other, laughing at each other... hahas....... damn funny.... ^^

ytd was playing snooker,lost terribly, not even lost to darling, but also lose to myself....sigh................. what a loser!!!!

2009-04-18T17:26:00.002+08:00

sigh............ just got out from the hospital, got nine days of mc, but don't think my mum will allow me to not go sch for nine days de lar... really feel fucking depressed recently, i only want a simple relationship with no interruption of any parents, but why are they always so kpo? why are their words always different as it pass from mouth to another mouth, make me really very confused... sigh...

i think darling also tired le bahs.... i also tired le....... but what to do.... i really dunno wor... sobs..... i feel that my hands that had always grip onto yours are slowly slipping off.... but i'm really unwilling to let go... i doubt you will to.... sigh........

arg!!! this is all so irritating, now i can't even see you so often anymore, not even once a week... arg! god damn it man! but pls tahan, and wait, till i finish my o levels, it's only in a few months time..... sigh... am so irritated.........

2009-03-29T17:30:00.004+08:00

have been kind of suicidal recently.... i practically hate myself.....if scare me when i almost jump of the building..... i really dislike people interfering into my life.... but there are always these ppl, the adults.... the adults thinks that only they can think well, only their thinking are mature, the kid's thinking are always immature.... sigh..... i really hate that....

my world, is black, i only can see black, i can't get out of this darkness somehow.... i'm trapped in this shit... "can you jst get over it and you're done?! stop being so fucking pessimistic lar!"my bf will get irritated with me at times...... but no one know that me living in darkness is so much more painful for me than anyone else... especially when you're trying to walk out of it, getting out, and someone hit you back into the pit all over again, it sucks like hell lot.... to others it maybe EASY cos they are not me, they are not the one that experiencing all these shit... i've been in this pit for more than 10 years... since young!!!! so it's like damn hard to tell me, to change like suddenly become optimistic... i can't do it....

due to me to need to repeat my o levels in my last time secondary school, fears me alot....i hate it.... the way ppl look at me, as if i'm gonna fail the second time all over again... perhaps they're just scared.... that have been the greatest excuse to rule over my life to stop everything i'm doing....damn O LEVEL!!!

on fridays, i tend to go to darling's hse, but i really fear to be there.... my mum has been telling them alot bout me... lols..... now and then, i scared to go to their hse, i don't even dare to go to the toilet in the afternoon when his family members are at home.... ytd when i bade farewell, his dad don't seem to be willing to respond.... am i thinking too much? maybe i do, i hope so...

hmmm... but things between me and darling has always been fine, so fast, and our 7th mth is reaching.... i really love darling alot... i really have fallen head over toes for him.... his the first guy i even tot of marrying! god gracious! hahas... this sounds damn stupid at my age, but am just dreaming.... he have a plan to marry at new york at the high church... hahas...... well,hahas... this has somehow became our dreams.... our love story.... hahas.... and everyday, when i get home from work, darling will be cooking and we'll wash dishes together, and sit down relax and watch television.... on weekends, saturday we shall go out and have fun, and sunday we shall stay home to tidy the hse.... hahas... dreams... are always so beautiful...but it seems to be so damn wierd to not have each other in each other's life already... hahas.... ^^

2009-02-17T15:27:00.004+08:00

lols... wa.... damn hungry now!!!!! hahahahax.....

si bei sian ar!!!!! lao sai the whole day, almost 10 times le sia... now at gan ma's hse...with bao bei, jes and han...

lols... apologies, there's seriously lots of thing you ought to apologise already... lols.....

especially you giving me the heart wrenching experience,i think i've got the rights to dislike you right.... but i'm not gonna be so dumb to waste my energy disliking you...

lols.... separation of your previous r/s, do reflect on what you do when you have it, and when you don't have it anymore, you start blaming on others... have you tot of what wrong you are in? no? yes? only you know your ans... don't put your pride too high, this won't do you any good....

pls be more mature and think of the possible consequences,after what you've done.. or else when you get into the society, you will not be able to survive de....

you really shouldn't put your pride way to high,and always weigh what's more important then your pride... lols.... my pride almost made me lose my future, not daring to return to school, cos i'm unable to put my pride i almost lose my future.. lols... pls learn to be more sensible... you're already 15 already.....

2009-02-16T00:22:00.002+08:00

hi ppl, ytd is valentine's day, so fun wor.. haha... very long never blog le.... hahax... so sorry.... was kinda busy... but this weekend is the best weekend, i've got the license to go out till late le... heh heh!!!

oh yea, ytd also gan ma's birthday, but an incident sort of spoil everyone's mood i think, cos can see all the angry faces, and true face of somebody.... sigh... nvr thought that you're like this, it has been told to us, now you yourself proof to everyone of us.... lols....*speechless....

readers, if you're curious, and don't know bout it, let me tell you bahx... ikadjon, i know you will wanna know what happened, for extra info... ^^

ytd, jes,honey,bao bei,and qin go dunno where, den they come back very angry, slammed the door and started ranting,lols..... saying something bout xuan... dunno what lar, i also don't really care, but i only know that honey they all say that xuan is a spoiler, cos out of nowhere, she told gan ma that

"I'M NOT COMING UP ANYMORE" lols.. gan ma was shock,and kinda affected, lols.... cos of what xuan say to gan ma..... ytd should be a happy day...

den xuan replied, "i never spoil your plan hor... i merely just say what's on my mind.. if you want,of perhaps dare, come and slap me lar..." =.= actually ppl also not that pissed de, but you make it worse by yourself.... sigh... dunno what to say bout you...

gan ma was so affected with the conflict that she no appetite sia...

after that xuan and jena with their parents come up to gan ma's hse, me and darling, jst get back after buying cigarettes...den we saw the commotion, am surprised that xuan say that she didn't tell gan ma bout the "I'M NOT COMING UP ANYMORE" thing, gan ma herself was shock too, that xuan is indeed someone who say something, and do something else.... and say that we want to tio her tai ji... sigh... (ll these very childish, i know,but that's really what happen wor), but in the msg, xuan's the one who started finding trouble wor... hmmm... after i read the msg sent,from jes phone,the msg they send to xuan, they jst say that xuan is a spoiler,which is not harsh, only an apology or explanation is needed,instead of the daring honey they all to go slap her,lols.. and we did not have the intention to... by law, this is considered as attracting crimes, lols... like wanting others to beat you,like asking for beating like that... zzz...

but after ytd, all of us know xuan's ugly side, and know her so much better, attracting attention is by crying, emoing by showing attitude, like to hunk(i dunno how to spell), but in the end scared, sigh..... inmaturity won't bring you far i suppose.... actually i still did not dislike her anymore, but after that time"even if you guys come up to my door i won't open the door de! " wa lao... damn rude... and the changing of no..." i'm not using this no anymore, pls kindly delete it" diao... i sian, it's like fucking obvious that it's fake, and for goodness sake, the whole grp is like so close, you only text the few of us, what makes you think that we won't exchange info, but of course, we do that IMMEDIATELY after you've text us.. lols.. one msg from you,to anyone, the whole grp will know, lols...think you should exercise more of your brain cells, and think of what's coming up next instead of having the thinking of let tmr be tmr....

and after ytd, WE SISTERS ARE SO MUCH UNITED, lols.. should really thank to xuan.... lols... although she spoilt gan ma's mood, we bring it all back, we gave her the surprise,she's so happy till she cry sia!! hahahahahahahaha!!!! den after that when we eating our cake, gan ma use the cream and put it on us all.. den we start the cake fight, only honey and dom play till the most hiong one.. crazy de, the both of them...lols.... *die, my birthday coming liao.....

thanks gan die and gan ma, for bringing all the teenagers so much fun and care...

today, gan die cooking shao la tofu, but i can't go, kinda sad, but gan die say will cook for me this coming fri! yipee! heex... so happy... i really feel so homely at gan die and gan ma's hse, lols... and with dom they all, we're like brothers and sisters, the warmth shared, can't be described.... hahahax.... ^^ jst love the feeling, especially when my heart is cold inside(for my family part only), for romance, lols.. it's still burning with fire!!! heex....

DARLING DARLING I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!! sry that i can't give you your valentine'e day present..... so sorry... =(

2009-01-21T13:26:00.003+08:00

ytd, mummy nvr go work, den she asked me out, but soon after that,when we're at centre, she really isn't feeling well at all, thus took a cab to peace clinic.... need to wait for like fucking long lor!!!!!!!!mummy pain till can't tahan le..=( but after that just continue to wait lar... no choice... idiotic! and then got a stupid uncle still cut our queue!!!! i even more angry sia... but after seeing doctor, mummy and i and darling go to the coffee shop to find keng hoon and the rest.... den we after eating, me and darling send mummy to the mrt station.... hahax...

on the way there, i closed my eyes all the way, as one of my eye lids is swollen,kinda pain sia, like some ppl just box you lidat...hahax... den back, i also close my eyes all the way, other ppl keep looking at me, really think that i'm blind.. hahahax....ROFL!!! wa... den darling must be so caring and patient to take care of a blind gf........ =.=

sigh, and ytd, i saw... arg.. forget it, unhappy things.... but am one hand crippled now.... arg!PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-19T03:24:00.003+08:00

hmmm... the day before ytd, me,han,keng hoon,hai ming, rong hui, long da, and ah loy ton tgt, and hui min,yong jie,dom, join us when we're in alameen... that day, kan sway, got police come, and hai ming got caught for his cigs, forget it, don't say le... hmmm... den darling still have his pack of cigs on his hand sia.... and he's just sitting in front of the police.... wa piang eh... my heart almost dropped out lar....

and that night, darling did something very touching worx.... he took off his shirt, just to keep me warm, and was shivering.... feel kinda bad though....hee.......... but it's just so nice of him...

DARLING, LOVE YOU SO MUCH LAR!!!

2009-01-13T07:48:00.001+08:00

PLS DON'T ASK ME ANYTHING!!!!!

[OTHERS SEE YOU as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding;someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.] --> that sounds cool... hahax.. thanks for that result man.

Laid-back Doers are friendly, happy persons. They enjoy being together with other people. Smart, eloquent, witty and charming, they like to be the centre of attraction. They do not like to be alone. Their zest for life ensures that others feel well in their company and that they quickly get to know people. Laid-back Doers get the best out of every moment - many people of this type have a gift for making their whole life one big party. Boredom is unknown in their presence because they are very good at carrying others away with their enthusiasm, their good mood and their optimism.

Abstract thinking and profound philosophising about the meaning of life appeal less to Laid-back Doers. They are pragmatic, realistic and live completely in the here and now. At work too, they prefer it when it’s all go and they can act out their purposeful manner to the full. They have no problem handling several tasks at once and they blossom out in crisis situations! A varied field of activity with a lot of social contacts is just the right thing for them. One will also seldom find them inactive in their spare time; due to their open, curious nature, they mostly have many hobbies and interests. They are not afraid of the unknown: as they are flexible and creative, they quickly adjust to new situations and make the best of them. They sometimes come into conflict with strict rules or hierarchies by which they quickly feel constrained and against which they rebel.
» Learn more about the Laid-back Doer at work ...

As friends, Laid-back Doers are generous, helpful persons who attach great importance to harmonious relationships and a good atmosphere. Their sociable manner means that they have a large circle of friends and they love having the house full of many different types of guests. They are happy to give in to their spontaneous moods and fancies in the just one or two important things. This makes them appear somewhat unpredictable to those with a quieter nature. When it really matters, you can rely on them one hundred percent. As partners, they are creative, impetuous and imaginative - as long as their partner knows how to fascinate them. They can hardly stand boredom or routine in a relationship. They do not like conflicts at all; if a relationship becomes too strenuous or involves too much effort, they tend to withdraw from the partnership and start to look for a new partner. However, if one manages to keep their curiosity alive in the long term and surprise them again and again, one has a loyal and loving partner.
» Learn more about the Laid-back Doer in love ...

Adjectives which describe your type
extroverted, practical, emotional, spontaneous, enthusiastic, friendly, playful, lively, talkative, nonchalant, tolerant, happy, pleasant, generous, flexible, wily, attractive, relationship-oriented, generous, adventurous, fun-loving, creative, helpful, action-loving, casual, sociable, open, sensitive, touchy, erratic, curious, noncommittal, action-loving

2009-01-09T02:44:00.003+08:00

THINGS HAVE CHANGED.... THINGS HAVE CHANGED...
*pinpointing to some ppl....forget it man, i've given up... perhaps i'm sensitive, that's why i realise the changes first, soon the others realise it too... it's fucking fucked up.... i don't wish to say who you are, whoever you think you are, pls repent, but if you think there's nth wrong... forget it.... lolx.... take those as crap man...... sigh..... incorrigible.....

woah, so long never blog le.. well, just come back from my class fucked up bbq, well nth much bahx.. bad things don't need say le...lolx... to think go there and stand arnd, and went into the chalet and put my bag, and den help those ppl bbq their food, needs to pay $10 bucks each.. ridiculous! lolx... no money, den shouldn't have drink... sigh.. drinking drinking drinking...

Syg, now you know why i don't want to be with my classmates, cos they're fucked up.... we seem to be living in different worlds... don't really like to mingle with them... that's why....

my body is in fuHUA
but.....
my spirit in fuCHUN

hmmm.. have got a treaty with darling,it's a peace treaty, hahahax.. and it's going on quite well, just so well that i love him more and more le..... sigh.. alamak... no comments to myself.... it seems like i'm never gonna have enuf of him..... the 4th month's coming...time just passes so fast.... just a lil while, and it's already 4 months.... =) fortunately, not getting sick of each other yet...

quarrels? hahahax.. that's fucking frequent, but like i said we made a treaty and it's going on well.... ^^

hmmm.. met Skid today... well, so he's gone to ns... hahahax.... he looks fucking wierd with his fucking short hair.... hahax... and he's got a caucasian gal.... hmmm... cool... well..... last long dudes!! ^^

*dan dan, ikajon, syiqin, hendra! you guys are still remembered, but am sorry that i'm more focused on my Syg.. HEEX.... but you guys won't blame it on me, cos you guys know me the best! especially syiqin, and ikajon!!! love you gals!!!^^*

2008-12-21T23:02:00.002+08:00

lolx... this is seriously irritating me..... we didn't meet today,but at the end of the day, it all ends up with a quarrel.... sigh.......... forget it man.......... it's impossible that we won't quarrel, not even a day... i give up.........

2008-12-20T00:55:00.000+08:00

aiya... today, damn sway lar!! saw a flasher on my way home... freak out lar!!! think i should bring pepper spray everywhere le... idiotic... if you show up again... i'm so gonna let you have no father's day!!!

grrrr......... angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-19T05:06:00.002+08:00

hmmmm.... am at honey's hse now... blogging.. hmmm... so late le... but still can't slp lehx... miss raihan so much worx... although me just seeparated... alamak... think my xiang si bing getting more and more serious le... alamak... die.........

darling, should be slping now le bahx... hahahax.... i realise that me and darling quarrel everyday worx... but the more we quarreled,the sweeter it is... but i really hate it when it happens.... perhaps is what ppl say, a relationship should have quarrels bahx...^^ but TOO MUCH LE LAR!!!!!!!!!

nvm... darling say he'll give me his tomorrow... hahax.... AND!! best of all, he promised, NO QUARRELS!!! yeay!! ^^

oh... today, actually wanna go take last train home de... but ended up change plan... hahax.. cos i can't bear to leave darling liao... hahax....sigh... realise that everyday's goodbye is just so painful.... but darling always tell me...

" don't worry.... it's not a goodbye... it's just a see you later... ok... ^^"

" oh.... ok lor... hahax... "

" darling ar... do you think i'm too sticky?? " :(

" no ar.... i don't think it's enuf! " *grins... me, =.='''

was with honey at civic centre chatting hmmm... talk bout histories, human, life, guys.... rs....and etc...

after that...

decided go find darling they all..hahax.. i suggested de... cos miss him mahx... ^^who knows go there le, den can't bear to leave liao, den decided to take cab with honey,to her home later.. so can stay a few hours later with darling...^^

time is precious, hahax.. love like there's no tmr!!!

when we're getting home, drop darling at admiralty mrt station's bus stop... hmmm... don't like to see him leave worx.... but nvm... going to see him soon le!! heh heh!!!

and now at honey's hse blogging lor... hahahax.... honey slping soon le.. so do i.. so stop here bahx...^^

LOVE YOU DARLING!!!!!

2008-12-18T15:24:00.002+08:00

hahax... last last night, ton with dom and darling,but dom left quite early, only left with me and darling, hahax... so romantic worx...^^ heex................ listen to all the love songs... darling says, they are the words from him... ^^

den ytd, we watch "Ip Man" it is interesting, hahax.. and after the movie, me and darling start fighting with each other hahax.. whatever lar... is hell lot of bullshido!!

den after that they go play bball... haha.... they lost.... till very bu shuang... hahax...

after that we go makan, when the HERO send gf home..... lolx... yea lar... the HERO of the day lar... =.=

den we head to pool centre to play snooker.... hahax...nth much bout snooker... same things always happens, no exception...

after taht went to ton again... humph...... don't tell you guys what happen...hahahax.....

AM WAITING FOR MONDAY TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-16T00:47:00.002+08:00

hmmm.. this 2 nights, have been going back late wor...have been out to ton with hui min(honey), yj, and darling... hehex... have been very sweet with darling worx....

1st night:

hmmm... slack at the playground, and look at the moon, wow.. so beautiful and round... hahax... am lying on darling's lap, and hugging him... hahax... we just finish our " KISSING GAME " .... laugh too much le.. very tiring..^^

arnd 3am, den we take cab back home le..^^

* WHAT'S KISSING GAME???

Me and darling have to hold each other on our shoulders, and try to kiss each others' lip, the one who got to 5 first,shall win... *

2nd day:

hmm... went to far east with darling to pass our design for the couple cap to the shop, den we just realise the shop also can customise t shirts, so we also ask for a set of couple t shirt... heh heh... bet it's gonna be damn nice...hahax.... hmm.. total, it's 90 bucks... christmas gifts for darling! ^^

hmmm... watched twilight..hahaha... 2ND movie i've watched with darling, just two of us, ALONE!! heh heh... after that we went to play snooker, that cheaterbug, got to win, even though is tyco... *angry!!!!

after that call yj, and he ask us to go find him say he lonely, bedek lar ah boy!! hahax... den go there le, sit on the floor eat bread,hmm.... den after that, me and darling play some games... hahax....

GAMES:

1) Vampire:

we just played, as usual.. but made change to it...hahax....

" Vampire, vampire, vampire chey!"

win : "vampire, ah bish(slap loser's face)!"
lose: "vampire,...... " (got slap lar! )
same: "vampire, muuu-aahhs(kiss each other)!

2) Kissing Game
3) Left,Right Game (some childhood game..)
4) Separate Finger Game (another childhood game..)

after that, laugh too much, den must calm down, den i sat down to draw, and accidentally, drew something quite nice, and it seems to be suitable to put at the back of our couple tee.. hahax... woo.. so nice.. i scared the couple tee is so nice that i can't bear to wear it...hahahahax.....

I LOVE YOU DARLING!!!! you're my only obsession!!!

2008-12-08T00:07:00.002+08:00

hmmmm.... today kinda tired worx..help mum in the stall this morning, den after that go home, pack up my wardrobe, den after that call darling, lolx.. fall asleep while talking to darling...hahax... was tired mahx...heex... best of all is, darling didn't even notice it..hahax...

half way sleeping, my mum came up and woke me up... "eh, i waiting for you to have dinner together leh.... "

me, yawns..." huhx... aiyo... orh... " still half asleep, gt out of bed, and get ready to go out of hse when i'm ready they actually wanted to cancel the dinner...

me, " eh! i wake up just to eat dinner with you all lar... how can lidat.... cheat my feelings... " =(

finally got to drag them out liao..hahax... den my grandparents said that they're lazy to go out.. arg!!! " eh! po po!! you sure you don't want to go ar? don't later say i no time company you hor!! " hahax.. just kidding de lar.. act fierce only..^^ den finally drag everyone out le... heh heh!!!

went to sheng shiong there, to eat steam boat, i didn't really eat,was busy taking food for my grandparents and parents... after that we went to sheng shiong, shopping, bought a few things... hahax.. also got darling's favourite seaweed for him.. heex.. i suppose he can't wait to take it from me... hahax.. can imagine his "yao gui " face... hahahax...

den after went out of sheng shiong, saw a lorry reverse till drop into the longkang!! hahahahax... so funny lor!! some more stuck there, can't get out... but very scary... he step on the accelerator really hard, and my grandpa, ask me not to cross over, in case he bang you in full speed.. wa.. scary sia.. stupid lorry.. hahax.. cause me to carry all the shit and wait for few minutes.. fucking heavy de lor!!

hmm... go home unpack everything, and nth much le....hahax.... going to sleep liao.. tmr still need to help my mum... yeay! tues seeing darling le...^^

2008-12-07T01:31:00.004+08:00

wed,when darling sent me home, and when he's on his way back, i saw him walked to the mrt station, suddenly, he bent down, and seemed to be in pain.... he walked really slowly, i was worried, therefore i sneak behind him, and at the same time was msging him... telling him to take a cab home.... i hid behind the wall, and see if he'd got up to the cab already anot... finally, he got a cab....and thus i walked home le.... when i got home, i ask how is he, he told me that he vomitted two times and shit a lot of time.... sigh..... when i heard that i almost wanted to take a cab and rush to his hse, but second thought, i don't think it's appropriate to go over so late... therefore tried to sleep and go over to his hse the next morning to see him....

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well, i suppose darling's happy to see me bahx... he msg me at arnd 9am in the morning, and ask.. " darling, where are you, are you still slping? " lolx.... haha... but too bad, i'm not slping le.. i'm already reaching his hse, just 2 min walking time.... thus darling wait for me at the lift.... when i get out of the lift, i saw him squating on the floor, a faint smile at me, breaks my heart to see him so pale and sick... thus held his hand, and we walk back to his hse... i ask him," why wake up so early worx?" he says, i had to go to the toilet every 10 to 15 min, how to fall asleep worx... =(" sigh... that stupid idiot had been shitting since last wed night.... seeing him in pain, and running to the toilet, really make me feel so sad and helpless... till i can't tahan, i asked him for medicated oil, and massage his stomach for him.... hmmm.... hope he feels a lil better... hahax.. while massaging his stomach, there's alot of wierd wierd sound coming from his stomach.. hahax... we looked at each other and laugh... hahax...

that night, i've finally persuaded him to go to the doctor le....and thus we meet uncle rafi downstairs, and we head to the clinic, after we got home, darling go to rest after his meds,while i go shower... his stomach growling again,and his complaining his stomach aching, hmmm..... thus gave him some massaging on his stomach, and his neck, as he didn't sleep well last night, and thus neck's aching... massage till my hand so pain... ssshhh... some more put the medicated oil, can't on the fan, the room fucking hot.. i just finish my shower only, den become all so sweaty again le....but nvm lar... at least i could ease darling's pain a lil...

after that, stay beside darling, and we're fiddling with out phone, den suddenly the two of us decided to play games from our phone, we played "need for speed" hahax.. darling's good at it man.. hahax... it's fun de lor...hahahax... and i think i'm kinda noisy, lolx.. i can't help it but kept cursing the cars... cos they keep bumping my car away... so irritating mahx...hahax.... hahax... play play play, till we complete everything liao, den we go watch tv... hahax... after watching tv, both of us tired le...and fell asleep....

2.05am, the alarm clock ring le... aiyo... time for darling to take medicine le... thus, went out and took darling's pills, and a cup of water for him to take his meds... lolx.. he like my big baby lidat sia.. wth.... after that wash the cup, and go back to sleep... lucky i never trip over nenek, cos i was half awake and half asleep... and nek, is sleeping in the living room...hahax... early next morning, 8am, woke darling up to eat medicine again...aiyo, lucky he today, feeling better le...hahax... never keep going toilet to shit liao.... hahax.. still can go play bball le, but he play till like no energy lidat...but it's ok lar... he still sick sia.. stupid idiot...just recovered, den play bball le...

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darling, you must be full of shit, hahax... that's why shit so much, hahax.. like water tap lidat, but can't even close your ass hole..hahahax.... don't you ever fall sick again le!!! hmmm... darling told me that i'm the only gf he has, that took care of him when his sick.. lolx... and say that i'm his 24 hours care taker... wth... =.=

anyway, i think somehow i worried for darling too much le... sorry darling bout it, and am also sorry for being naggy, like rmb eat your meds, don't go home too late, rmb to eat, and so on... but thanks for telling me that you don't mind and you love it, cos you know what's beneath it... =) love you lots, for being protecting towards me..... ^^

2008-12-03T22:44:00.002+08:00

not coming in to blog so soon.... don't ask for the reasons thank you... nothing happen, am i'm fine... =)

thanks ikadjon djon and dan....=)

2008-12-02T01:51:00.003+08:00

hmmm.... today early early morning wake up le... den after that went to darling's hse and i fallen asleep there...after darling finish his shower, he woke me up.. and ask me a few questions....

han: "darling, i got something to give you.... "
me : " what............. " *yawns
han: "hmmm... ok wait, darling do you want an advanced 3rd month anniversary present? or an advanced christmas present?"
me : "anything bahx...er...... aiya... 3rd month anniversary present bahx... since the date is arriving soon.." *yawns

DEN................

he bent down and get a plastic bag under the bed, there's a box inside..but on the plastic bag it says "WYWY Shop" for a moment i tot is something that has gotta do with peeing....

in shock,
me : " huhx?! what?! wee wee!??!"
han: " open lar! quick!"

i open, and was shock to see the phone.... for a moment i can't believe that the phone is mine....aiyo... thanks darling! thanks uncle rafi.. you guys are the first ppl to GIVE me a BRAND NEW phone; [A BRAND NEW W760i] ....thanks alot...

2008-11-30T00:06:00.002+08:00

ytd went to pasir ris, was feeling moody, thus went for a walk, before i leave xuan's drink stall, didn't see darling, thus thought he went to the toilet, and i walked to the park and started my stroll, walk and walking, half way thru my stroll, i saw someone familiar, we stopped our footsteps and smile at each other... aiyo... looks like we're really fated to be together.... wanna have some time alone also cannot liao worx..hahax....

DARLING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MAN! * i know what you'll say... =)

today, so tired worx.. has been standing for the whole morning... heels are aching....

this few days,i've been crying alone.... from sobs to cries and cries to sobs... finally today, i told darling everything...... i feel so much more comfortable le... than forcing smiles and giggles out of me.... each time i do that i feel like crying, and i know i mustn't cry, if not darling and the rest will be worried, and if i said it all out, people may say i'm just paranoid... *don't sound good to my ears...

sigh.... the fear that the dreams are true, and thus wait nervously for darling's msg ever since i woke up in the morning, sometimes when i really can't tahan waiting le... i tried to send a message to darling, but it took me a long time to click on the send button... sigh...... what the hell is wrong with me.... i really hate myself, for thinking so much, for even dreaming about those stuff.... but i'm really inferior.... and i don't suppose that should be blame....

OH YEA,TODAY, I FOUND A $50 NOTE... BUT A LADY TOOK IT LE... SIGH.. I MADE A BIG FUSS BOUT IT... HAHAX.... BUT DARLING DIDN'T LOSE HIS PATIENCE.. HE CONTINUE COMFORTING ME AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER...(wondering is it becos he make me feel worse liao den want to make it up anot.. hahahax.....) darling i love you lar.....hahahax....

thanks for allowing me to cry, and not hold back my tears... i held back alot of times today le.... in causeway point, when we're eating, on the bus to and fro wlds centre, and especially on the train, when darling and i was listening to the song "like a rose".... alamak... but lucky he didn't know....

2008-11-24T23:41:00.004+08:00

hey ppl... you guys know what, today i'm very very fucking happy.... heex..... i tell you guys how's my day, den you'll know why..hahax....

1st, i took bus 912 to Fuchun CC, to meet gf, bf, and darling, i really dunno where's fuchun cc, but they say alight one stop after woodgrove, so i did so.. and anyhow walk, walk till the cc le... the first thing they do, is to congratulate me, cos i didn't get lost...hahax.... EH! I NOT THAT STUPID LAR! AT LEAST STILL HAVE COMMON SENSE HOR!!!

2nd, went to dbs with gf, to transfer money to my loan shark... hahax....

3rd, went back to cwp de mac to find darling and bf, hmmm... but i go toilet first, den gf wait outside for me.. cos can't find the two of them.... hahax... guess what!!

WHEN I FOUND THEM, THERE'S A BIG POLAR BEAR SITTING ON MY SEAT... AWWW........ DARLING BOUGHT ME THE POLAR BEAR THAT I ALWAYS WANTED, SO SURPRISED AND TOUCH LAR!!!until i cry sia(malu, must put small small)....

4th den i started hugging it... and was ignorant to the surrounding le..hahax... den suddenly, i realise that my gf is crying... aiyo, oh oh.... how sia... gf crying le... hahax... lucky got bf and darling to pacify her... heh heh.... cry four times lehx(must wait for her tears to be refilled, so got break in between)...hahax.... dunno why, she see darling eyes den want to cry le...hahax... so funny lor.... den darling say... " i know i got beautiful eyes, don't jealous till cry.. "

i'm like... =.=''' *no comments...

5th, company gf go buy chocolate, den walk with her to the bus-stop le...

hahax... today rent my darling, half day to her bahx.... hahax...... cos got my polar bear liao, i happy.....

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6th, the 3 of us go arnd 515 there makan... after makan slack at the playground, den after that they started playing bball le... all the way till the lights are off.... den half way thru, there's two guys, and ite guy, and an ah pui(sounds awful, but that's what bf address him, behind his back of cos..if not canna hood ar.. hahax..) join us.. den they started playing match, after a while, the ite guys start disturbing me, saying that my polar bear is a dog, den start to choot my polar bear like a doggy... hahax...

" come doggy doggy.... " *choot choot...
"it's not a dog! it's a bear!" den they all laugh at me, including bf and darling.. so idiotic.... den they keep disturbing until even when we are leaving,
" bye bye doggy! " me, =.='''

somemore, two indian lady walk pass me, den they suddenly hug their dog, and shun me, den one of them ask...

" will bite anot?" i blur...

" oh... it's a bear ar... lol.. i tot is a dog... " i even more sian... hahax...

7th,hahax...when we left,den darling keep complaining,

"wa got cute guys interested in you lehx,that's why keep disturbing you.. lolx.. make me so pai sei lar.... lolx....after he shoot in still turn to you and wink and twist to you sei!" when we left the bball court lar.. but still make me feel so pai sei...

8th, darling went to the toilet while i top up my ezlink card, the counter lady look at my polar bear, den say... " so cute har! " den i smile and say "thank you!" ^^

den when darling stand outside toilet to wait for me that time, there's a grp of gals say... " look the polar bear so cute sia... " heh heh!! praises on my polar bear.. make me even more happy worx!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS DARLING!!!! I LOVE YOU DARLING!!!!!! THANKS FOR THE SURPRISE!!!! I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY TO HAVE THE POLAR BEAR, I REALLY NEVER TOT THAT YOU'LL BUY ME THE POLAR BEAR YOU KNOW... HAHAX.... NOW I DON'T NEED EVERYDAY GO KIDDY PALACE LE!!!!!! HAHAX.....

*PPL READING MY BLOG,

IT'S NOT THAT I FUCKING HAPPY COS OF THIS BEAR,BUT I'VE YEARN FOR THIS BEAR SINCE APRIL LE, VERY LONG RIGHT... THAT'S WHY I LOVE IT ALOT... THANKS DARLING FOR GETTING IT FOR ME....^^

2008-11-23T21:02:00.004+08:00

so fast, 3 days 2 nights over le..... hahahax... of cos.... i'm happy lar......

21st nov, i stayed over at darling's hse..... and gave him his present on the 12am, of 22nd nov, his actual birthday.... darling's like so happy that he's dumbfounded... hahax... he just look at me and smile, den hugged me tightly... lolx.. well, actually i really can't bear to give him the card and the bottle of cranes... i took alot of time to do it... and it's fucking nice... :( but nvm... darling happy i happy... hahax... so glad to see darling's smiling face... priceless...hahahax....

HAPPY BIRHTDAY DAR-ING!!!!!! ^^ LOVE YOU MAN!!!!!!

*i'm honoured, am the first gf that made him a card...^^*

ytd is darling's birhtday,before we go eat we accomapany Sean to collect his sister's parcel... but the post office is close by 1pm... what the hell.. that time, there's a drizzle with LIGHTNING... and darling is taking the umbrella so high up in the air,and WORSE, the umbrella have got a METAL TIP.. what the hell... i'm so worried for him lar... bloody jackass.. than me and sean decided not to stand near him, just in case he canna... cos it's his birthday.. who knows if he's that LUCKY anot... but TOUCH WOOD LAR! hahax... stupid darling!!!

we went to swensens to makan, the food, for me, it's not that nice.. but it's very expensive... there's yong jie, sean, kenneth, wei le, guan jie, namdev, me and darling... total it cost $165.85

after we go eat le... we went to woodlands centre... me and darling played snooker, while the rest played billard, after that me and darling join them too... hahahax...^^ den we play tag... hahax... me and darling together, the rest i can't remember....hahax... but the last match.... me and sean VS ken and BF,hahax... damn funny and exciting... we all start disturbing each other....hahax... all jump and run arnd the place until sweating.... hahax...

after that went to alameen to makan... heh heh... the rice very nice worx....and all of us eat till very full le...hahax... *partially cos we didn't know after that we decided to drink.... *

after eating in alameen, we went to 7-11 to buy liquour, we bought absolute vodka,a small bottle of mandarin vodka and a big bottle of sprite... hmmm.... den we went to hard court.....the first thing the guys Do is..... XXX(can't say)..... den after that we all sat down in a circle, and this is how it all started.....

1st, darling must finish the small bottle of mandarin vodka(raw), in a shot... wa... my heart pain to see him get sort of, force to drink... that one still ok... not so jia lat... more to go.... *shakes head....

2nd, all of us must drink a cup(bottle cap of the big vodka....) BF, me, sean, ken,namdev, guan jie, wei le, darling...1 round gone.... namdev, (extra hahax.. nvr drink and standing up, but left when we start drinking..)

3rd, all of us must finish a cup of sprite with vodka... i'm the mixer... hahax... this time... BF,me,sean, ken(he say sick,but we force him drink,and he left with half),me(i help ken finish),guan jie, wei le, darling... 2nd round gone.....

4th, all of us must finish a cup of sprite with vodka, like just now.. this time, BF, me, sean, ken(nvr drink),guan jie, wei le, darling.... 3rd round....

5th, all of them go XXX.... lolx...
after this... they start forcing darling to drink... wa... i heart ache sia, and seriously..... 1st, a full cup of vodka and sprite... 75% is vodka lor... i wanna help darling to drink some, but he don't allow.... den i just say... i drink one sip, to taste the mixture.... darling drank the whole cup, after that, he don't feel good le, cos ate too much le... he wanna vomit also can't... i heart ache to see him lidat sia....and i feel helpless......

6th, darling, already can't tahan le.... but the grp still fill up the empty small bottle of vodka, with the vodka, from the big bottle, and made him to drink it... some more they don't allow him to vomit.... aiyo.... darling took almost 15min plus... to finally decided to drink that bottle... at that time, he's already like high, and the condition for him drinking that small bottle, is.....

1)kenneth will smoke 3-4 sticks( at last he got more...)
2)wei le will smoke 2 sticks
3)guan jie didn't dare to smoke, so take one puff from wei le only...

so at last, he got convinced to drink it...

after that a few of us went to buy cigs back.... and all of us were smoking and drinking.... lolx... aiyo... bad for health... but nvm lar... not always lar...^^but i strongly disagree with darling smoking, cos he's still having a cough mahx....and bloody hell.. darling finish the rest over of the cigs... *i'm angry... and irritated...

after yong jie's first stick, he vomit, den after that, at the end, wei le vomitted too i think.. after my few sticks, i felt dizzy not feeling that well,but still become BF's and darling's pillow.. lolx... i didn't get to lie down, after that ask sean to go to the 7-11 to get me some chips... at that time, BF's phone is use to play songs..the 3 of us, BF, darling, and me, we were singing an jing... and BF is holding hand with darling through out everything... what the hell.. *jealous jealous

(aiyo eh, GF, looks like our lao gong, really turning gay... we must be mentally prepared to become lesbians hor!)

after eating the chips.. i felt better... heh heh... BF and ken, left first... den after that darling still lying on my leg...lolx.. my leg cramp sia.. but sshh... nvm.. den i lie on sean's stomach, and all of us started lying on each other....hahax...

while lying, darling use a bottle to "call" a few ppl....

yong jie," yong jie, you have a nice butt... and they are mine... i'm so gonna fuck your hairy ass..... "

yi xuan, " yi xuan, i love you man...... why you stead with yong jie, stead with me lar... wo bi jiao shuai... "

*at this time.. wei le turn to me... " cat... don't jealous hor... " hahahax... damn funny...

ken, "kenneth you so cute lehx... look so guai lan, but still so cute... "

after that, we slept there for a while and den head back... by cab... and on the cab,
uncle ask " where you guys wanna go?"
darling shouted, " POKEMON CENTRE!!"

lolx.. we fucking pai sei sia... aiyo...but that day we had fun... reach home, darling nvr shower den slp le... so dirty... oops... hahax... nvm, i got shower!! heh heh!!!

2008-11-18T01:44:00.002+08:00

YAY!!! FINISH SOMETHING LIAO..... HEEX.......... a gift to darling, but not for his birthday, but for this christmas.. heh heh!!!

i tend to think of presents to make for him, when i'm missing him....hahax.. so i won't miss him that much...

sigh... i've experienced the pain of not having any handphone... got to complex at arnd 10.35( so sorry cal.. i over slept, and get out of hse at almost 9.45am and also forgotten to call you.... )i got to complex 2nd floor, but can't find cal le... so i try walking arnd the complex to find a public phone... den i can't find, so go ask the office ppl if there's any public phones arnd.. but she say here don't have... den i try to go to the estates AROUND the complex.... i've asked many ppl if they can lend me their phone to allow me to make a call, but their answerS are... " sorry cannot lehx...." sigh sad.... I ONLY ONE TO MAKE A CALL ONLY, JUST A FEW CENTS... LOLX.. THEY NEED TO BE LIKE THAT ANOT SIA... i feel like a beggar at that time... legs are so tiring, and it's raining somemore, but still finding for the BLOODY public phone....

FINALLY!! found one... BUT.................

'Insert Phonecard' my face was like... " WTH!!! " sigh............ so sad so sad... after that i wanna leave the estates area, still got lost, finally got my way out... and waited at the bus-stop for 30min, den i just realise.. "oh shit... this bus-stop don't have bus 99.. arg!!! it's another bus-stop..." den i continue walking in the rain, to try and find my way to the bus-stop....

when i get home, i'm all drenched and hungry... alamak.. like a stray kid... feeling so lost and helpless.... i almost cried at that time.... cos i really don't know what to do when i'm urgent and am unfamiliar with that place, i walk into the estates, and can't get out, what the hell... strangers aren't kind... the ppl out there are just living in their own world, so cold.. that they die of frozebite....

---------------------------------------------------------------------

today, i'm suppose to meet darling and BF at boots and shoes at 3.30pm i got there at 3.15pm am standing there, and saw a blind man, he wants to make his way to the bus interchange, but somehow... from far, i thought i saw him going towards the direction that's AWAY from the bus interchange... no one even try to help him.. wtf is with sinagporean, not only kiasu, also not helpful one.... BLEAHS!!!!

den i went over to find him.... on the way there, BF came up from the bus interchange... lolx.. i was focusing on finding the blind man, den didn't see him lar! den he say i purposely ignore him, lolx.. until he use umbrella poke me.. that idiot....

when i found him, i ask him where he wants to go and get to know that he wants to go to the bus interchange to take bus 903... so i brought him down and bring him to the front of the queue... on the way to the queue, he told me that he wants to go the the mosque, and that he go hse to hse, to sell chocolate.. one packet for 2 bucks but i gave him 4, he wants to give me 2 packets. but i say..." Uncle, don't want lar... later eat too much will become fat fat.... cannot cannot.... hahax..." that's so fake.... i'm moody, and yet can joke with him... but anyway, helping him, i feel happy and glad... thanks uncle, for brighting up my day, for that few minutes.... den after that went back up to boots and shoes to find BF to wait for darling..

bloody hell! he late sia!!!!! idiot... hahhahax....

--------------------------------------------------------------------

after that went to find GF..... drank the smoothie... hmmm yummy!!! after that we went to whitesands, look at watch, after that went back to GF's brother's place and all start to emo...hahax.... play, with swings, sands, candle wax, kerosene, candles.. ^^ hahax...it's fun though.. and still can rmb, darling sat on a seat that can go on turning and turning,not able to stop without external help... me, GF and BF was still playing with fire when darling shouted for us... we thought that he's tryiing to show off to us that he's having fun.... no one knows he's actually calling for help... " help! i can't stop!!! " LOLX... only than, we ran over and stop it for him.. lolx.. darling darling... what a big kid!!

and!! the four of us almost got knock down by the cars on the road.... thanks to SOMEBODY! hahahax....

2008-11-15T01:50:00.004+08:00

darling today, er.. i mean, 14th nov, go training for the job at the hostel.... 1 hour only $2.50... wtf... free labour lor.......=( i heartache sia, to know that the person actually make use of him liao... curse them... sit till their butts got ulcers... *eh, no no no, den on leave, darling need work more, lolx... * arg!!! i that time really very angry lor... lucky BF say he will try complain to the main shareholder....

today heart ache sia... NORMALLY, i will bicker with him, "EH, YOU CANNOT GO SHOWER FIRST AR, WHY EVERYTIME IS ME!"see darling, not enuf slp, still need to go work for 12 hours...i decided to let him rest more,and go shower first.. was fucking sleepy...

he slept at 4am, and i wake him up at 7am, after my shower...in the beginning, he still scolded me, "Eh, why you still sitting here, go shower la!!" actually i finish shower 10 min ago, but just let him rest awhile more bahx... he lack of sleep, i forgive him for misunderstanding me....

i know, he lack of sleep will lose temper de.... hahax,same as me.... but i try to control and diam diam, cos i know he still need to work for 12 hours, that's why, he's even quite shock that he raise his voice and i kept quiet," darling, you not tired ar, you enuf sleep mehx? " lolx... stupid fool... of cos not enuf lar.. i slept at the same time as you, still wake up earlier than you worx...

hmm... on 13th nov, before we go to sleep, darling test me a few questions,if i ans wrong, he will tickle me....i got no options to choose lor!! " orh.. ok lor.. " :(

1) QN : what's the LARGEST ....
my ANS: skin... =.=
" WRONG!" cos he never say finish the qn, but actually i'm correct..bloody hell!
*start tickling me... :(

2) QN : how to spell the longest word in english?
my ANS: superk...
"wrong!"

*AIYA, THIS QN, I SUFFER ALOT!! :(

3) MOST STUPID ONE!
QN : what's the process whereby plants make food?
my ANS: photosynthesis...

* he speechless,means i correct! heex....

---------------- FUNNY PART ------------------------

den, he not happy,

darling : "how to spell photosynthesis?"

me : "P-H-O-T-O-S-Y-N-T-H-E-S-I-S!heh heh!! i'm smart! AIYO! darling, don't ask me bout science..."

darling : " humph!! what gas does the plants produce during photosynthesis?"

me : *=.= " oxygen lar!"

darling : " bla bla bla bla bla... (things that he say that he try to confuse me) so in the end, during photosynthesis, the gas produce is carbon dioxide.. "

me : *blur " huhx.. got such thing one mehx..."

darling : * start tickling me " engk! you wrong liao..."

me : *after a moment... " HEY! WAIT!! you just now say, why it's not good to sleep with alot of plants at night, the reason is they give out carbon dioxide and take in oxygen at night, during respiration mahx.... den in the morning , they undergo photosynthesis, den give out oxygen mah!!! EH!!! YOU CHEATER BUG!!!!!!!! "

* HEH HEH!! MY TURN TO TICKLE YOU LIAO!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------

LOLX... i admit.. we're childish... hahahahax.......

k lar.. i go slp liao.. still need to work tmr!!!!!!

2008-11-12T11:23:00.002+08:00

hmm.. today after exam.... tot darling and BF will surprise me by standing outside my school gate..... well, THEY DID........ but was just a lil late.... and of course, i will rush out of school, upon hoping that my love ones outside my school gate mah!!!!!!!!! arg!!!!!!!! but nvm..... so sad, den i go eat breakfast with ikadjon and syiqin.....

met alot of ppl i dislike, lolx... who do i like in my bloody school sia...... EXCEPTIONS!!!!!!!!

but i'm surprise to see them under my block,after i had my breakfast......they were playing "tai di" with ikabu and tata and irfan, well, i didn't know how hard they try to contact me, but i couldn't be bothered le... after that.. wore a mask, and stand beside them, STILL SMILING... grrr!!!!!den find an excuse to ask them go makan.. couldn't be bothered la!!!!!!! i got better things to do!!!!!!!!

was walking back with syiqin..... and i did something stupid again!!!!!! arg!!!!!!

ssssshhhhhhh................. don't tell you guys..later you all laugh.... syiqin promise not to tell anyone..... heh heh!!!

2008-11-12T03:34:00.000+08:00

sigh... i really think i'm too dependent on darling, just one day not talking on the phone with him, and i can't sleep at all, it's 3:34am now... and i'm having my chemistry paper 1 tmr... what the hell... and i can't sleep..... help someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

2008-11-11T22:56:00.003+08:00

arg!!!! i badly need a job.... sigh.... not only to support myself, but i would also like to help my dad settle part of his debt... arg.... i hate it.... sigh...... what the hell... i doubt normal students need to bother bout this extra problems...
sigh..............

arg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

I NEED A JOB BADLY!!!!!!!!!!! ANYBODY GOT JOB TO INTRO?!??!?!?!?

today is me and darling's 2nd month anniversary... somehow feel that we're together for already two years... hahax.. seems to know each other too well man... sigh... but every anniversary seems to be a bad day for us sia.....

11th oct, we almost broke up....
11th nov, we didn't even meet up with each other..

sigh sigh sigh....................wonder what stupid thing will happen on 11th dec... :(

2008-11-07T23:13:00.003+08:00

JOKE OF THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

well, i was standing in front of yong jie, and someone tap on my shoulder....i turned left, den i turn right, and den i turn my body 360 degrees... but see no one.. but i tot i saw darling... i'm puzzled at that time....

den i turned to sean...

"sean it's you right......... "

sean was shock, and blur... " huhs? what thing.."

i tot he's trying to lie, den i move a step back, and almost trip over this person who tap on my shoulder, it's darling....

ALAMAK!!!! den everyone laugh at me......

SO IT'S DARLING WHO TAPPED ON MY SHOULDER AFTER THAT SQUAT DOWN, I TURN 360 DEGREES AND DIDN'T NOTICE HIM... WHAT THE HELL... THE GREATEST SHAME IN MY LIFE FOR NOW..... AIYO.....

kenneth " wa... cat.. your angle of depression very jia lat sia....... hahahax...."

so sad... and they start bullying me all over again..... grrr....... angry..... hahax.......

but i'm still happy though..... just realise how stupid i am.... hahahahahax.........

--------------------------------------------------------------

ytd, my uncle and my dad went to raihan's place... and talk to his dad and his nenek.... lolx.....

3 conditions laid by my uncle, and 1 condition laid by uncle rafi.... and they agreed.....

hmmm... i don't wish to talk much bout ytd......

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

today, kenneth told me,

"wa i take my hat off you two sia..... if my gf and my parents are lidat, i'd rather give up the relationship lor....lolx... not worth it lor.... "

i tell him,
" well it's worth it for me..... "

kenneth says...
" i mean, IF for me lar.... "

well, i'm quite proud that the two of us could actually persevere through all these mess, to keep this relationship......and thanks to the support of uncle rafi, and nenek.....

BUT....

THERE'S STILL MORE OBSTACLES IN FRONT OF US FOR US TO CLEAR IT.... I HOPE WE CAN ALSO GO THROUGH IT, LIKE WHAT WE'VE DONE NOW.....

IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, I'VE LOST MY FAMILY.... I'M SAD BOUT IT THOUGH.... WELL, WE CAN'T BE JEALOUS, YOU CAN ONLY HAVE ONE, BUT NOT BOTH..... CHOOSE EITHER ONE, AND EITHER ONE OF THEM, ARE YOUR LOVE ONES..... SIGH....WTF.... THE GOD MAKING FUN OF ME AGAIN!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I ALSO HOPE THAT GF AND BF ARE ABLE TO OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLES TOO... IT'S BEEN QUITE SOME TIME SINCE I SEE MY GF LE..... WONDER WHERE SHE GO SIA.......

SORRY GF, HAVE BEEN HAVING ALOT OF PROBLEMS...... NEGLECTED YOU..... SORRY......
------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANYWAY, TODAY'S KAILI(I DUNNO HOW TO SPELL)'S BIRTHDAY...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....... ^^

2008-11-05T00:37:00.002+08:00

today... i went out with syiqin, hendra, ikadjon, danial,mash, and man, and the best of all, with han, my darling....... heh heh.........

i was still crying when ikadjon and syiqin came to my door..... i had been crying since last night.... eyes all swollen le.....

den after that.. ikadjon called han, as i didn't dare to call, after what my mum told me...

she says that... han's dad's rude, and that han's dad says that i went up to his house by myself, sort of, like an uninvited guest.... it hurts me alot..... so much that i didn't turn up at his house this morning, which i'm suppose to...... and i didn't even dare to call him, and that i called yj, and ask him to conference call me and han.... sigh......

but the thought of seeing darling, makes me look forward to going out... the moment i saw him... tears welled up in my eyes... i'm bout to cry........ i feel so relieve to see darling..... at that time, i really don't know if i should cry or smile... hahax.. but first reaction.... is to hug him..... heex...........

den we made our way down to orchard.....on the train......

darling told me bout what his dad had said..... quoted:

1) to my mum: "madam, i wouldn't be surprise if catherine ran away from home.... i tell you ar... if this happens, and she wants to stay at my place, she is more than welcome to..... i don't mind paying for her education and her daily expenses, cos i know... SHE LOVE MY SON...... i wouldn't even mind going to court to ask for legal guardianship..... "

2) to my mum: " i treat catherine as my own daughter..."

3) my mum to his dad: " i don't like your son to be with my daughter.."

his dad, to my mum: " we can't do anything even if we don't like it... cos, they are in love....."

and today went to play pool with darling.... heh heh..... my skills come back a little bit liao..... thanks to darling, i know he will say.... " darling, i didn't do anything at all...." hahax.... that's the best, cos he don't need to purposely do anything, and i feel good with him liao......

after that, he sent me home.... =) and promise to fetch me from school, tmr..... sigh of relieve,cos i still can see darling again..... at least, it's not the real last day.....

TODAY, MY DARLING DID SOMETHING THAT MOST GUYS WON'T DO... AND I'M VERY TOUCH BY IT, BUT MY DARLING SAY I CAN'T SAY IT OUT.... SO IF YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW... HAHAX... PLS GO ASK HIM PERSONALLY... HEH HEH!! AND IT'S NOTHING SEXUAL HOR!! TO ALL THE PERVERTS READING...HO HO HO..............

DARLING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! NEVER WANT TO LEAVE YOU!!!!!!!!! HEEX.......... MUSHY RIGHT, BUT I DON'T MIND...... COS I DON'T KNOW WHICH DAY WILL BE THE DAY THAT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL HIM THIS ANYMORE....... :) I'M GONNA TREASURE EVERY MOMENT SPENT WITH DARLING, AS IF IT'S THE LAST DAY OF OUR LIFE............... I BET, HE'S MORE THAN WILLING TO THE SAME THING TOO..... :)

2008-11-04T01:50:00.002+08:00

ytd, i was still blogging...

luckily... my relationship have no probs... but today a big problem occured.....

but this prob isn't between us....... is between the two of our families..........

i feel so terrible right now.... perhaps....tmr will be the last time i meet raihan..... before my mum send me back to malaysia......

2008-11-03T01:05:00.004+08:00

sigh.....................

recently fucking unlucky sia................

injuries all over me.........

some more lose my mobile phone... sigh... still don't know how to tell my mum sia.... am afraid of the scolding and hopefully no beatings bahx... :(

today went to queensway with darling's dad, sister;zana, and him to go get his shoes.... finally got it le... hahax.... that big foot! but after that still complain his toes pain, cos shoes too small... wth lorx....

sigh....feel especially depressed after i lost my phone..thanks to BF and darling, company me for dinner and shopping.. wa piang... first time go shopping with guys lar.... alamak!!!

hmmmm.... today.. i really feel like a failure...

1) i sucks at my studies.......

2) i USED TO be proud of my pool that's why i like to play... but now... i can't play at all... sigh... all my skills seems to be gone... i feel like a beginner in pool.. but not so much of a beginner.. sigh.......

3) i can't sing well....

4) i'm clumsy and stupid.....

5) my attitude sucks.....

SIGH... AND ALOT MORE!

RECENTLY ALOT OF PROBS!!

1) STUDIES PROBS.........
2) FINANCIAL PROBS..... (a child at my age shouldn't worry that much bout this...)
3) FAMILY PROBS......
4) HEALTH PROBS.....

SIGH...

************* LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!************************

I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH OF RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS... THANKS DARLING... FOR MAKING ME FEEL NOT THAT HOPELESS IN POOL............ THANKS ALOT.............

******SIGH..... GF AND BF RECENTLY LIKE GOT SOME PROB WORX...... BUT I DON'T THINK I SHOULD INTERFERE.... COS IN A RELATIONSHIP, THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE ARE THOSE WHO ARE IN IT, NO OTHERS CAN AFFECT YOUR DECISION....... NOT EVEN YOUR DEAREST.... SHOULD LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR HEART SAYS............ AND CALM DOWN AND THINK CAREFULLY.... THE HAPPY MOMENTS GONE THROUGH... THE SORROW AND PAINS, BRAVED THROUGH.....

2008-10-30T23:17:00.002+08:00

aiyo........... i think i'm getting more and more tired.... have been lacking of sleep and falling asleep on the trains and buses.... i bth le ar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tired tired.......................................... recently like nvr see GF arnd.... sigh........ miss her sio........... think BF miss her even more bahx.....................

TIRED TIRED TIRED!!!!!!!!!! TWO MORE WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I VERY TIRED AR!!!!!!!!! I GO SLEEP FIRST..... :(

SORRY PPL FOR NOT REALLY UPDATING........ YAWNS*

2008-10-26T14:27:00.005+08:00

YONG JIE'S BIRTHDAY, THE MEETING TIME...

hmm... ytd was yong jie (BF)'s birthday.... hmmm... the meeting time is like 10.25am!! kinda early for me sia... who knows i'm not the latest one..... hahax.....

ON MY WAY TO WOODLANDS!

hmmm... on the way to woodlands, my mp3 sudden jam! i panic sia.... cos i can't switch it off... can't press any button... it's like a dummy version of my mp3 lar! after a few minutes of trying, I decided to give up... Sigh...cos reached woodlands liao.... was sad bout it....

WALKING TO GF'S BLK

after that walked to my GF's blk... was surprise to see her at the fitness corner.... den i know, she kena "bullied" by darling, and BF..... haa....den i accompanied her for a while, before we make our way back to find the two idiots... hahax....

AT GF'S BLK DOWNSTAIRS

hmmm.... after we got there, we sat quite a distance from the two idiots, after that i started to poke my mp3 with the aluminium, roll it and try to poke it.... GF see me having difficulty to poke the mp3, thus offered to help me take a needle from her house...

den the rest of the time was spent waiting at the voideck was to wait for gan jie and wei le.......

ON THE WAY TO CWP , AT JACK'S PLACE

den we make our way to cwp, and went to jack's place, for breakfast... this is the first time i've been there.... hahax....the breakfast wasn't that wonderful... the steak aren't that good actually.. i won't want to go back for the steak liao.... after eating..... me and GF borrowed marker from the counter, den went to write some stuff on the wall, (eh! not vandalism ok... we're allowed to)... but what we write.... heex... can't say... SECRET!

AFTER BREAKFAST

after the breakfast.. went to do creative art... heex... i like the dog that i made... super cute.... and GF's winnie the pooh having fever....hahahahax..... and we also did a birthday cake for BF.... hahax... hope he likes it...^^ but i took freaking long time to complete mine.... cos it's my first time!!!! i like it worx... still wanna go there a few more times....

AFTER THAT.......

suppose to go watch movie, the coffin... but at last didn't... cos GF and i strongly dont' want to watch it.. instead we prefer singing k.... hmmm....and surprisingly, my darling, and her lao gong, also don't want to go to the movie, without us..... den they canceled the plan, and go along with ours... alamak... so so so guilty lor............. sorry ppl.... :(

PARTY WORLD

hmm... it's nice, and relax in there..... aiyo... my singing sux..... but nvm bahx.... such a pity GF had to leave at 5.30, but after that she suddenly came back.... suprised me and han..
hahax...^^ she say she can stay a lil longer... heex...*grinz

SLACK AND DO NTH

hahax.. after that really did nth sia... we went to pastamania, i ate the bake pasta...i swear i don't want eat that anymore... den, we anyhow walk here walk there... den BF put his hand on my shoulder, like very relac, den i did the same thing too... den i say....

"Eh, birthday boy, don't waste my time lehx..." just kidding de lar... hahax... but darling heard it, and all of us are laughing our ass off...hahax.... den we went to KFC, cos sean, guan jie, and wei le have not eaten....

den stupidly.........

DARLING HIT THE LAMP HANGING ACROSS THE TABLE!!

HAHAHAHAHAX.... ALL OF US LAUGH LIKE HELL!!!!!!!! looks like this grp of ppl like to bang into things...haha.... GF and BF like to bang wall, no wonder is a couple..hahax.... *bang wall couple...

and my darling.... sigh..... bang almost anything high, but not that high... but no worries, i won't bang into anything darling bang, cos i'm not that tall... wahahahahax.....

STILL AT KFC

den after that.. ask GF to persuade BF to go woodlands centre...

BF says he don't want to do something he usually do... den GF say... " den you go play pool with them lor.... but they play and you sit down lar... that's what you normally won't do mahx..." i laugh like shit...hahahax... GF YOU ROCK!

AT WOODLANDS CENTRE

hmm... played snooker, i don't really like it though.. but nvm just play lar.. but i really wanna play pool badly... but when BF say want open a pool table,den... nvm.. unhappy things, don't want say liao...

after that... took a cab home.. and fall asleep.... =)

TODAY NOT MEETING DARLING............ SO SAD........ COS MY MUM SAY MUST BE HOME BY 8PM, SO IF I GO THERE, ONLY CAN STUDY FOR A WHILE NIA... DEN I DON'T GO DOWN LE.. EVEN DARLING SAY IT'S NOT WORTH IT..^^

2008-10-24T10:53:00.000+08:00

2008-10-23T23:00:00.004+08:00

two poems for you my darling....they are nameless....

ANYONE HAVE SUGGESTION FOR THE TITLE OF THIS 2 POEMS???

POEM 1:

A devil in disguise,
Envy the angels in the sky.
Fallen for an angel,
Wish he could take her and fly.

Bitter remedy, sweet poison.
The method used by this cunning demon.
This demon that give life to this devil,
This devil, which longs to be an angel.

She finally sees the light to heaven,
Experience the warmth in there.
Thinking, hard work could get her up there,
But all are just beautiful illusions.

A dream will still be a dream,
A mirror reflection, won’t be your clone.
A devil should return to hell,
While angels, in the heaven.

Forbidden love, between this angel and devil,
Foreseen by this devil.
Pure angel still clueless,
Until the tragedy descends…

Till than, he is totally helpless…

POEM 2:

Footsteps on these roads,
Eventually came to a stop.
No more footsteps by them,
But footsteps by her.

She traced back the footsteps,
And realize there are three pairs of them.
Someone have once again traced them,
She knows whose they are from.

Teardrops roll down her cheeks,
But he can’t be there to wipe it.
Heartbroken and restless,
But he can’t be there to fix.

Thanks for the memories,
Beautifying her fairyland.
She long for his presence once again,
And hope to never let him go again.

BUT all these are beyond their control,
As they are not in a fairyland.
A practical land they are in,
Where cruelty never ends.

2008-10-22T01:45:00.002+08:00

hmm.... arzhari, talked to me today... wow..... it's been ages since i talked to him.... hahax.. we used to be very closed, as closed as calling each other by nick names.... i used to address him, BF...hahax... but i've got no idea what happen, out of a sudden, we became strangers.... but well, he say i could ask him out for pool anytime.... heh!!! *grinz...

hmm... today is SUPPOSE to be a dull day.....

BUT................................

before my english paper 1, someone special, tell me this....

"Darling, would it brighten your day, if i tell you that you'll see me today, outside your school gate at the end of your exams?" *i started giggling... it's an unspoken "yes"....

hmm.. today.... got to school..... ika djon tell me off.. hahax..." eh! you got boyfriend also never tell me sia...." oops... * paisei... hahax.... hmm.... it's been so so so long since i talked to them... miss them though....

heard that syiqin, patched with hendra already... hahax... oops.. correction... is hendra patched with syiqin already.... hahax... it may sounds the same.. but syiqin say that the second option sounds better....

NOW ALL MY GF ARE ATTACHED.... HEHEHEHEX........... THAT INCLUDES ME!!! HEHEHEHEHEX...... I LOVE YOU MY DARLING!!!!!!!! SO SO SO MUCH!!!!!!!! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAX..........

hmmm.. the feeling of getting out of sch, and the first person i see, is darling, is so wonderful!!!!!!! heh heh!! feel like a lil kid... and my ah bang's waiting for me to get off sch, and carry my bag, den whole my hand, and guide me home...hehehehex.... it feels so perfect... only until.....

my mum's car came by.....

wanna know what happen??? hmm.. dowan share with you guys...... heh heh!! cos.....

NTH HAPPEN.................. hah!! canna fooled.... hehehex.....

after that i went to eat with darling, i ate duck rice, and he ate the disgusting char kway teow.....

oh yea!!!!

PPL!!! PLS TAKE NOTE!!! THE JURONG EAST K POOL IS UNDER RENOVATION..... JURONG EAST CAN'T PLAY POOL LIAO LAR!!!!! *CHEAT MY FEELING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IDIOT!!!

hmm... den we went to arena to play pool.... the cue sucks lor......... so irritating........... oh yea!!!! i saw furqan..... hahax... wow!!! so fucking happy to see him..... i miss his rappings man............ hahahahax..... next time can ask him out to play pool liao!!!! another pool kaki...

today, me and darling, very funny.... we summon our dragons.... and every shots are so beautiful!!! heh heh!!!!!! and i realise something.... when the dragon is out, me and darling, don't smile.... heh heh!!!!

after playing pool.... i successfully turn into a vampire, at the second try..... and bloody, hell.. i'm damn embarassed, but darling is fucking proud bout it..... when we board the bus.... the malays beside us kept looking at us... i feel like digging a hole and jump into it.... hahax.. damn pai sei sia.... hahahax..... don't tell you guys what is it about... later i malu..... den face turn red...... hehex...... but, just know that, it's a great accomplishment!!! heh!!!

i've got additional of 2 pool kakis.....wow...

sad thing is........ darling miss the train back to woodlands..... and his dad scolded him... sigh..... i feel so guilty bout it... several times i think, perhaps i shouldn't rely on him too much bah............... perhaps what my mum says, is right...

2008-10-20T23:05:00.003+08:00

hmm... today had my chemistry paper 2..it's quite alright....

I LOST MY 3 MARKS!!!! BLOODY HELL!!! AND I KNOW HOW TO DO LAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

and sorry darling... for making you wait for an hour outside my school, den after that left you earlier.....

what the fuck lar!!! tmr's paper end so fucking late!!! ends at 6.45pm sia!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T SEE DARLING LE.... :( *sobs............

BEST THING OF TODAY!!!

well, i passed my ezlink card to darling, and i forgotten to take it back from him...

i'm needed to alight and he just need to stay in the train.. as he sent me to jurong east... and i thought the train has gone... and damned! my ezlink card's with him... how the hell am i gonna get out!!! arh!!! i tot of taking the next train.. but i know i could never catch up with him anymore... sigh.... i tot of taking the next train.. but i know i could never catch up with him anymore... sigh.... what should i do worx....

*i'm lost for a moment...

however,i dunno why i turned back, but when i turn back,the first person i saw is darling.... i'm surprise to see him.. as i tot the train has gone... he appear just like a hero in a fairyland... heex....

hahax..that time... i think, perhaps i can sense darling's presence bahx.... hahax... he said " the first person i saw when i came down from the escalator is you.. i don't need to look around.. hahax.."

DARLING!!! YOU'RE THE HERO OF MY LIFE.... SOMEONE WHO WILL BE HERE, WHENEVER I NEED.... THANKS DARLING DARLING.... :) *MALU ALREADY? HAHAX... YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING BOUT.. HAHAX..^^

2008-10-20T01:28:00.000+08:00

oh yea!! and i've been talking lots of nonsense!!! sleep talking... alamak!!! so paisei to let darling hear what i dream bout...heex...........

2008-10-20T00:45:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!! FIRST PAPER OF O LEVEL IS TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHEMISTRY PAPER 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmmm..... ytd, went to cwp after study... got bullied lor!!!! sean told me" Hey, there's a note behind, saying, flap the wings and it will talk... " and i actually do it. *cos some toys really can de mahx!

2nd time, is the winnie the pooh.. " hey, press the stomach and it will talk... " sigh... here i go again..

den they use the piyo piyo(each grab one), and "quack! quack! quack! " at me sia.. wth lor!! so mean!!

today, i'm exceptionally please with myself... what's the score? lolx.. i'm not sure, but i'm kinda sick of that..hahahx... (oops!) hahax.. not trying to be arrogant, perhaps, today's just my day... my luck hahax...

sigh........... my mum's trying to persuade me to break up with darling, but i just got to realise, even parting him, to go home, hurts my heart.. how the hell you want me to part him?!! today, me and darling's talking on the train...

Me : " Darling, what if, one day, i broke up with you(choy! choy! choy!), and you've got yourself a new gf, is it too late for me to go back to you?"

Darling : " Hmmm..........."

Me : " Nevermind, i know the answer le... =\"

Darling : " I don't think so bahx... Cos when i see you, all the beautiful and sweet memories between us will be back, even the emotions.... aiya... it's how you can rekindle this feeling, get it? "

Me : " Oh...... Erm... what if currently, one of your ex gf ask you for patch back lehx? "

Darling : " From the happpiness that i have with you, I won't wanna patch up with any of my ex gf..."

Me : " Oh......"

Darling : " Aiya darling, i tell you what..... One day, if i broke up with you(choy! choy! choy!), i'll still be here for you as a friend, as a brother, as a buddy, whatever it is, i'll still be here... so you can come to me anytime with any status alright... :) "

Me : " Awww... thanks darling.... :)"

2008-10-16T00:48:00.004+08:00

********************well, i'm blogging this for my GF!!! to let her know what we did today bahx.... sigh... see you miss us so much, think you'll be wondering what we do bahx....***************************

well, life's still the same bahx..

today went library to study the whole day.......Sean dear,and i was debating bout the RIGHT things... and we both ended up checking the textbooks for ans..... it's good man... he can help me in my Math, i can help him in my chemistry.....

after that went to pastamania, heex... alfredo spaghetti's nice!!! soooooo creamy!!!!!!! and I DON'T LIKE THE PEAS!!!! SO DISGUSTING!!! BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

darling help me eat away all the peas, picking out all the peas, before i even started on my spaghetti... so sweeeeeeetttt of him............... :)

after eating, XUAN(not my GF, but BF's brother's fren), went to buy bubble tea.....
hmm... well, she's a vegetarian, so the pasta she ordered, is some kinda mushroom one..and the mushrooms are huge and BLACK!!

den i ask her.." Aiyo... why everything you order black black one... "cos her bubble tea is oreo chocolate, i think, cos it's super black..hahax.... den she replied " oh.. this is mushroom chocolate blend..."
*my face in disgust and say..." Eeeee... Why got such thing one... sound so disgusting... nice mehx?? " den i started searching for this drinks at the bubble tea menu, but i can't find, cos she say that it's a new drink, so not on the board....

i was taken in, cos i've never heard of it, and i believe that it may be new.. but sounds really eeew!

amazingly, Darling was also taken in...hahahhax...

IN CONCLUSION!!!

I'M NOT THE ONLY STUPID ONE!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAX...........

hmm... seriously ar... i dunno why, but Zhao Jie, BF, Sean dear, Kenneth and Darling can just look at me and laugh... when i don't even understand what the hell did i do sia....alamak.... but it's good to see others smiling and laughing, rather than crying right!!! so GF!! SMILE AND LAUGH MORE!!!

oh yea, GF, my mum brought me to the temple ytd..... and i have a wish for you too!!! hahax.... well, i really hope it comes true bahx... :)

GF I MISS YOU!!! LOVE YOU EVEN MORE!!!!! (darling, don't jealous... hahax..)

************GF:
han recently has been very jealous.. cos i called Sean: Dear, Yong Jie: BF hahahhax...... and i keep saying i miss you... until he "angry" hahahax.......

*i go to slp le bahx... late le.... nights everyone.... also very early in the morn, so morning everyone!!!hahax.. (bo liao)

2008-10-14T00:48:00.005+08:00

tired tired tired....*yawns!!!!!!!!!

hmmm... went to study today.... after that went to a movie, and den go pool....

hmmm.... just cried over darling ytd... cos we were playing handiplast;a beating game.. and i really cried in pain, as my thighs are fucking swollen...... nvm.. i don't wish to say the unhappy things again liao....

aiya.... but....................

I JUST LOVE MY DARLING ALOT!!!!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

recently things between my BF and my GF aren't good at all....

GF got grounded by her mum, can't come out... sigh........ i miss her so much wor............ i suppose BF miss her even more..... sigh................

i realise that BF and GF's situation is like me and darling's......

our results determine if we will be separated anot..... 23rd oct.. GF school holiday liao.... results out le.... i hope she can get good grades though... so that BF and her can be together, at least have honeymoon for like 2 to 3 months, after that.. aiya, see how first bahx...

sigh.. just like me and darling, after my O levels, we've got 2 to 3 months for honeymoon, after that, my results will be out, and that determines if we will be separated.... sigh..............

what the heck!!!!!!!

perhaps couples need to go through alot of stones, to get to their final destination bahx... the test of determination and love...... *this is the most optimistic way of thinking i can think le........

GF and BF don't be so sad lar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i see you guys like that i also heartache sia...... one is my GF, the other one my BF......

2008-10-12T08:26:00.006+08:00

well, ytd was too angry to blog bout anything.....

MY DARLING CHANGE HAIR STYLE ALREADY!!!! SO SHUAI!!!! *DROOLS!!!!

so next time if i nose bleed don't ask me why........ hahax............... (well, he won't be able to see this post..... cos he seldom online.....hahax..... and he don't come to my blog...... so i don't need to paisei..... hahax...............)

ytd, i almost wanted to break up with him, cos i really don't want my mum to disturb his dad, and his friends.... but he told me that it's very selfish if i do that.... cos i nvr spare a thought for him, for his friends, for his dad......

even kenneth told him that, that's the wrong way to break up....

but when i got home, i told my mum that we broke up le..... lolx...... i know that it's just a lie, but i've got no idea, why i could cry for like 1 bloody hour in the toilet, and still can't stop crying when i'm out... bloody hell.... until when i texted darling, than, i'm able to hold back my tears... from cries into sobs.....

i can't imagine me without him....

he gave me the love from friends,

yi xuan (GF) , yong jie (BF;jackass) , sean ("darling" aiya, dear better lar..hahax...),hui min(although i've only met her twice...) , kenneth(don't smile while taking pics) , dave (the indian guy HEY, I'M NOT TRYING TO BE RACIST) , shammie(only met him twice too,did i spell it correctly?)

he gave me the love from family,

his sisters, his ah ma(super cute...hahax..) , his dad(super nice man,and LOVE HIS CHILDREN LOTS!)... darling told me something, non of his ex gf click so well with his family though... and his family really likes me alot.... lolx.... in the beginning i doubt it....

until ytd..... i was talking on the phone with darling's dad...

a few lines that me and darling coated:

" If Han my son, cares for you so much.... I'll support him 101% !" (i'm touched, i meant it..)

"I'll respect your parents cos they'll be my IN-LAWS!!"

"You must study hard, Catherine, this is coming from your FATHER - IN - LAW!!"

" Catherine, you know my mother(Han's ah ma), likes you alot, she is also your grand ma you know?" (am speechless)

after that darling start making fun of me.... and he tell me honestly...

" My dad NVR use the words, FATHER - IN - LAW to any of my ex gfs(there's 2 ex gfs that he introduced to his dad) although one of my ex is around 20+, and thought of marrying..."

2008-10-11T23:14:00.002+08:00

WA LAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M FUCKING PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SICK OF LIVING ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SERIOUS, I REALLY FEEL LIKE CUTTING MY BONES, AND FLESH AND RETURN THEM TO MY PARENTS(ESPECIALLY MY MUM)!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCKING IRRITATING AR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I ALMOST BROKE UP ON OUR FIRST MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE REASON IS NOT COS OF THE TWO OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SERIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO TROUBLE RAIHAN'S FRIENDS AND HIS FAMILIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IDIOTIC !!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-09T00:57:00.007+08:00

today is a damn tiring day... but a damn happy one.. i went to school.. and look forward to after school.... i'm sorry darling that i'm late for meeting you.. cos i had to wait for my math teacher to clear the doubts of some TRIPLE SCIENCE students questions, and than follow her to the staff room, hope you understand...
( Han: of cos i do!)

well, hmm... played "cheeky jepun" with Darling, and in the beginning i won quite a lot.. and he empty my whole packet of chocolate!!! idiot!!! oh yea.. and my very last packet of gummy worms, ALL IN ONE MOUTH FULL!!! what a hippo!!!!

after that went to hongkah east to study.. after that i went to work, than went to play pool for a while... today played kinda good... hahax.. got the FEEL..... hahax... and darling told me this...

"Darling, you're the 1st gf that i had most fun with... " going anywhere don't matter, just the two of us, and the word "FUN" exist..heex......

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ytd night.. Han and me found out the 21 points plus today, found out 5 points, total of 256points of similarities between us:

1) how we wipe our mouth( really shock both of us)
2) habit of saying " Humph!"
3) handbag sentiments
4) the type of music we appreciates
5) the way we hold our hands
6) like to kiss and cuddle(sounds wrong)
7) seriousness in pool; no smiles while playing
8) both love to sing
9) both are jokers
10) both are super lamers
11) the way we eat,same portions of chilli sauce for fries and burgers
12) can't get angry with others for long, but for each other, not more than 5 min
13) love same flavour of lollipop(strawberry)
14) sweaty palms (MILD)
15) very stubborn
16) likes the same ice cream flavour (vanilla)
17) dislikes the same ice cream flavour (chocolate)
18) want to wait for the other one to hang off the phone (everytime take quite some time to hang off)
19) speaks and thinks the same things at the same time( often clashes with each other words with the same words..)
20) presence of each other always linger ( biologically compatible)
21) suan ppl with the same method..
22) both love soggy fries
23) often use 2/3 fingers to shift the burger, while eating..
24) like to use the same pen (G1 pilot)
25) definitely take brochures distributed by the brochures distributor...
26) always sneeze three times at a row...

2008-10-07T23:53:00.006+08:00

Opinions bout the dinner

well, for me, that dinner wasn't a nice one though..... hmmm... sigh... forget it... i so regretted letting my family know that i have a bf...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

but i'm proud to tell the whole wide world that han's my bf.... faith, and trust... is what we have in each other..... we really have got lotsa shit in common.....

1) we wiped mouth the same way, and it really shock me to see each other doing the same thing!!

2) the "humph!" habit.... (lolx.... sometimes i really can't stand the two of us.. fucking funny...)

and many many more.. so much that i've forgotten....hahax....

he likes to make fun of my "A... LAMAK!" while i give myself a slap on the forehead...

second thing is..." darling! we haven alight at clementi, and we're now at jurong east!! " i really forgotten that we're on the red line, and clementi is next stop after jurong east... what an idiot i am...hahax....

well, being with Han, i just feel like a kid... i reveal alot of expressions that i nvr dare revealed, that i tried to compose myself in front of others...

with him arnd...
i got the courage to be myself...
with him arnd.. i don't feel hunger(most of the time), i forgotten that the world's spinning...
i forgotten that i had to turn back into a devil and go back to hell(this is what i feel EVERY TIME i left his house...)

--------------------------------------------------------------

today.... i went to his hse.. and studied there... yep..... i'm still having my diarhhea but somehow my tummy doesn't hurt that much... ytd.. i didn't get to see him, every meal i eat, i go to the toilet at least once.... the feeling is terrible... i feel so weak....

hahax..today was studying in his hse while neknek and him was betting, and playing the "onya baba"game... that's what he call it i think...the game is easy, and interesting too... better than black jack...hahax... but i keep forgetting to say "cheeky".... it's some thing like saying "UNO" when you left with the last card... and nek nek is damn cute... hahax... she's very sensitive to tickles... darling only need to raise his hand, and nek nek will "(toot) mak kau[don't sound really nice to say the full]" aiya... the expression on nek nek's face is just so priceless sia...hahax...

BOUT MY GF....

oh yea.. bought chocolate for my GF... say tears welled in her eyes... was kinda worried...but dunno what to do... but just come out with whatever crap to try cheer her up though.... the chocolates tastes bitter than sweet... just like our life... hmmm... GF ar.. don't sad lar!!! you sad BF also sad sia.... hahax....^^

AND ...................................

GF!!!! HAN IS JEALOUS OF YOU!!!!!! HAHAHAX.........

My Darling Wants To Give Me His House Keys!!!

well, darling wanted to give me his house keys.. well he will be duplicating one bunch for me...his gates' key, his door's key, his letterbox's key.... he says that.. " take this bunch of keys.. and be aware that there's always this warm home waiting for you to come back to.... if you really feel lonely or when you had no where to go... " i'm touched.... i'm really am.... i already feel like one of his family member when i'm with his family..... and now his giving me his house keys... hahax..... even nek nek make me malu today... Zana(Han's youngest sister) calls me Cat, and nek nek think she should call me kakak.... cos since she called Han; ah bang and Hana(han's second younger sis);kakak... it's really nice to be with them... i can't wait to finish my Os...

AND I SWEAR I'M GONNA DO WELL IN MY O LEVELS... TO PROVE HAN HIS INNOCENCE... AND PROVE MY WHOLE FAMILY WRONG!!!!

2008-10-05T13:00:00.004+08:00

I feel so happy right now!!!

my whole family will be eating dinner with sean and han later!!!

This is the first time my family came so close with my friends!!!

I never had that experience before!!!

AND!!!

I’m damn excited bout it!!!

AND!!!

This is the first time that......................

i bring my bf back home and told my family bout it...

WOW!!!!

I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE A BF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*i hope my parents will like Han, as much as Han's family likes me... :(

2008-10-04T01:59:00.003+08:00

YAY!!!!!!!!!!
FINALLY GRADUATE LIAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FROM FUHUA SECONDARY SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!
THE HELL FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-02T23:40:00.002+08:00

Hmm… On 30th Sept, Han's dad's birthday.... we went to makan seafood, and drinking... and after that went to ktv... I really had a great time during ktv... it's not that all singings are especially good, or nice, but it's the time spent together.... the warmth in the chilling ktv room.... :) Han and his dad sang the song " Oh Carol…” and “Tell Laura I Love Her” they change the names to “ Oh CATHERINE…” and “ Tell CATHERINE I Love Her” …zzz… I’m like blushing lar… my whole face turns red… J

After that, went back to Han’s place it’s 2am that time I think… and we continue with the last piece of hindi VCD… wtf! I cried lor… what the hell… so malu sia…. And I actually wet Han's shoulder with my tears… he start wiping my tears and coax me not to cry… after that, we went to bed… and for the first time, someone tells me that I snored… lolx… perhaps I really seldom get to sleep peacefully when I’m home, and I’m really exhausted… I feel totally comfortable in his house…with his family, with his friends, with his presence…especially in his arms… everything just seems so right…

Hmmm… the next day, 1st Oct… Hari Raya! We woke up at bout 10am in the morning… and start washing up while waiting for His’s relatives to arrive… I thought I’d really feel weird and awkward… but I didn’t, SUPRISINGLY…… I really enjoy the time spent with his family… his ah ma, his dad, his two sisters… and especially him…

1st Oct, I quarreled with my mum, again…=.= sick of hearing that?? Lolx… well, I really almost wanted to hurt myself, but upon thinking bout Han, his family, and my dad, I stopped, I controlled myself, so much that I am shivering… I’m breathless… my head starts spinning…I told Han bout it and he was crying to me, saying

“ Darling I really do love you a lot, and I really can’t afford to lose you… I can’t take anymore heartaches le… please darling consider your actions before you do anything…”

“Thanks darling… I love you too….” Is all that I could say, in fear to hurt this loving soul…

I love him, yes I do, definitely…

He always makes me feel like a little child, but one that’s fortunate… he always allow me to giggle like a toddler… and we’ll soon start giggling and laughing at each other while making fun of each other…this is the first time I feel so so secured and the first time I feel that I can trust someone with all my heart… hahahax… lucky he don’t read my blog… that’s why I dare to blog it out so openly… or else if he really reads it… I’ll definitely blush again…

THANKS DARLING… FOR FILLING UP MY EMPTY SPACES… AND QUIET MOMENTS… HEHEX…

2008-09-30T03:31:00.007+08:00

aiyo....... got into a fight with my dictator again..... i'm blessed that i'm still here blogging... luckily i trained myself, and strangle myself with my towel, or else i won't be here... sigh... forget it, i don't want to talk bout it anymore! arg!

AIYO!!! it's 3.32am now... why the hell am i awake........... hmmm...well, since i'm here, i'll just put up a post bahx....

tmr is hari raya! heex............... and today's han's dad's 42nd birthday(just one day before hari raya, cool!),i've made a birthday card, but it don't look that nice to me though.... hmm... kinda disappointed in the card....

hmm... we plan to have dinner together, with sean,kenneth, yong jie, me, han, his ah ma, his dad, and his 2 younger sisters....

and the next day is like hari raya... hmmm... lolx.. collecting green packets again, it does makes me wonder...lolx.. sometimes heaven's not that cruel.. haaaax... i get to collect both ang pao, and raya duit(or should it be "duit raya?") hahax....

i envy how close han's dad and han's friends can be.... his really a successful father.....super understanding, super nice guy, have super good vocal,and super good looking,and think han has inheritted all these from him... the way this family care for each other is just so...i don't know how to describe, but i swear i really wish to be in his family though...

-----------------------------------

thanks to han, for telling everyone arnd him that i can break wooden pencils with tissue paper... now i need to do it on hari raya, in front of so many people!!! *faints~~~

*i am actually needed to wear a kebaya on hari raya..... alamak....

2008-09-23T16:28:00.010+08:00

Let the past be memories.... thanks for filling up my empty spaces in the past..... *whores who love themselves hell lots... :)

sometimes, isolation makes you realise how precious all these memories are.... walking thru the roads that all of us used to walked, and realise that those noises,bickerings, and laughter are not there le.... sounds so peaceful, but there's always a price to pay....... :)

*MEMORIES FOR LIFE**

LOADING.................

2008-09-17T12:12:00.003+08:00

well, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... i'm fated to be alone..... i don't know what others are thinking.. i don't think i should know... hmmm... perhaps this is my life....

2008-09-16T17:21:00.008+08:00

The Bloody Idiot and The Stupid Fool!

Missing each other in the days,
Dreaming of each other in the nights,
Thinking of each other 24/7,
And everything's just so right!

JUST LIKE...............

Letters starts with " A, B, C ",
Numbers starts with " 1, 2, 3 ",
Music starts with " Do, Re, Mi ",
and Love starts with " you and me " !

~ Han & Cat ~

2008-09-15T13:25:00.004+08:00

hmmm... well, life, is full of surprises... you never know when anything could happen, be it a good thing, or a bad one.... some things are just simply so unbelievable....some things just can't be describe, can't be explain..................... but you just have to enjoy it.... or suffer in it......... (",) hmmm...................................

what could it be??

what's.............................

1) very understanding + very understanding = ??????

Ans: extremely understanding!

2) very caring + very caring = ??????

Ans: extremely caring!

3) very humourous + very humourous = ?????

Ans: extremely humourous!

4) very sweet + very sweet = ?????

Ans: extremely sweet!

and the list goes on... yet to be continued.........................

haa....... haa........................... the extremes!!!!!! ^^ i know i bo liao.... i really dunno what to blog about.... hahaax..................

2008-09-14T03:13:00.002+08:00

wth, it's like 3.13am, and i somehow can't get to bed, toss and turn... toss and turn... sigh... shit... think i'm sick again... arg! *sneeze!

arg!!! i'm tired..... i want to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why aren't my body allowing me to sleep?!!?!

GO TO BED CAT!!!!!!!!!!ARG!!!!!!!!!!FEEL SO FRUSTRATED WHEN I CAN'T SLEEP... SIGH.. IDIOTIC.............................................

2008-09-14T00:08:00.002+08:00

well, today went to jurong east to borrow some story books... and saw terence and ron on the way out... haha... so surprised that terence could still remember me! hahax... well, went back with them to the library and met geraldine and joey...^^ woah..it's like so so so long have not seen them already...hahax... den met my lao ba to play pool...and he got a sea lion for me...hahax.... hmm... having terrible headaches recently.... arg..dunno what to do bout it... idiotic!

*hmm... someone has not got home yet....... :(

*wait.... wait........ wait.........................

2008-09-11T12:59:00.005+08:00

hmmm...well, love makes the world spins around.... without love, there's no hate, without love there's no jealousy.... think................ :)

think i'm in it once again...(",) guess what........ hahax.. secret......^^

2008-09-09T07:45:00.005+08:00

today, early in the morning i got a cut on my finger, it's middle finger, hell.... it hurts! and my maid help me to wrap it with the plaster... lolx.. the way exactly how i wrapped someone's finger before a bball match when his nail came out(eew).. hahax...

well, memories, memories... nothing gets sweeter than memories..............

2008-09-08T19:59:00.003+08:00

i'm tired of hanging on to anything anymore... even if i know every things are drifting apart...i think i agree better to the second meaning of friends... i don't know what they really are, but i suppose they are the best reason for anyone to feel hurt....

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 all given up............................... i don't want to be a pest around.......... so i'd rather give up................. and stay alone.......................... (",) think it's my fate to stay alone...........

2008-09-07T03:13:00.002+08:00

shit.. what am i doing now? at this time, 3.14am!! i can't sleep upon thinking of the approach of o levels.. it's like in a mth's time!!!! arg!!!! and i'm now having headache, and still trying to study... i feel uncomfortable!!!! arg!!!!!!!!

" o level!!! you this stupid monster!!!!!!!! " can't take panadols :( can't get to slp :( can't really study :( arg.. idiotic...

2008-09-04T18:11:00.005+08:00

friendship,lolx.. are just something pathetically fragile... what's friends?

this is the meaning i got from the dictionary,

Friends :
1)A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2)A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3)A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4)One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
5)Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

Friendship :

1) the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
2) a friendly relation or intimacy.
3) friendly feeling or disposition.

TRUE?

SHOULD IT BE...

Forever with you,
Rest assured they understands best
Ill intentions will not come across their minds
End of friendship,nvr be mention.
Nurtured patience and tolerance,
Depletion never approach.

OR

Fears instilled in you forever,
R.I.P that's what they can wish you?
Invincible type of liers, or whatever?
End of the world, they lead you to
Not able to get back,
Death, at the bottom of the darkest ocean.

somebody tell me.... *add ons to the pain of my previous post.. waste of the years.....

2008-09-04T00:34:00.002+08:00

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE POSITION I'M IN.... ='(

i can't stand it anymore.... i don't want to be a weakling, but i can't just get over it and be done with it....deceiving myself everyday aren't easy... it's painful somehow... i nvr admit that something is wrong with me.... but even if i says, no one could understands.... i regretted revealing the incident, cos ppl unknowingly look at me with another kind of expression, which they themselves don't even realise that....

can anyone understands me in my position?

the fear that i faced, the time in the showering room? and avoiding other glances on the streets, feeling like an outcast, ppl looking at me, i would tend to wanna go home and hide at home... so that no wierd glances are on me.... nightmares nvr stops.... cries at night never stops... and thinking going to gym, could make me feel so tired, and fall asleep easier, but sometimes too tired for lessons the next day...

GOD DAMN IT!!! what's got into me man!!!!!!!! i feel so so so terrible... i can't stand it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and no one, NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND THE POSITION THAT I'M IN!!!!!!!!! THE FEELINGS OF OTHERS LOOKING AT YOU WITH WIERD GLANCES, THOSE WHO KNOW, TREATS YOU DIFFERENTLY!!!! how do you feel when you totally have got NO CONFIDENCE at all?!?!

as i say, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE POSITION I'M IN... ppl may think, aiya.... why make such a big fuss, just get over it, don't think bout it! it's easier said than done....what if you, personally in my position?
Think About It.

2008-09-02T23:10:00.002+08:00

sigh.. what a tiring day... went to malaysia and came back today... just to go there to do my hair...lolx.. what a reason to go there right.. lolx... tired now.. having remedial tmr EARLY MORNING!! *yawns............

2008-08-31T16:04:00.006+08:00

REPENTANCE... What’s this world going to be? It’s scary... :(

Suddenly, I realize...most of the things won't go the way you want them to go.... there's always obstacles... nth seems to be smooth-sailing.... is that what makes up life?

Answer: I don't know.

The world don't revolves around you, and it never will.... be it how hard life's gonna be, you just have to live it... we must not survive, instead we must live... so, ask yourself, are you surviving, or are you living...

Human beings, we tend to take things for granted... look at the stars, they're so beautiful... but not all notice them, feel the sun, it's so warm... but we tend to curse it's warmth, and hope that rain will fall... when the rain falls, listen to the raindrops... it's singing... but then, we tend to start groaning " aww... can't go out again... sigh...." it's never enough, for us.... we're always asking for more....any kindness towards you, do you think you deserve it? or that's what others SHOULD provide you?

We are lazy in a way or another.... we tend to judge people, by their looks, we tend to be taken in by fallacies, instead of trying to understand the truth.... and…discrimination, starts here....

Sometimes, we're just living in a world of false pretence, and somehow it appears so true... just like the "cicuta douglasii" (western water hemlock), it's looks so desirable, and yet, is the most poisonous plant in the North America... and there's abundance of it...we're just like the cows, or any herbivores, the conclusion of us grazing on it is lethal, and we won't know if we did graze on it, just like many hypocrites, all sorts of WIERD people out there... we won't know they are rotten, unless we experience them, by than, it's kinda late...

Look at this world, look at the society, it's getting more and more corrupted.... it used to be beautiful, what a flawless complexion, but now, a disfigured face, just look at the scars we're leaving, isn't it ugly?

2008-08-29T00:15:00.002+08:00

*groans* today's a tiring day... went to play badminton in the afternoon, then to the gym in the evening...all muscles are aching so terribly...

today, i really feel the happiness when playing badminton... it's so nice! thanks to the 2 guys (strangers) to accept our challenge and played a match with me and cal...and we've won!!! heex....so happy so happy... 15 - 4 second set 15 - 3

cal says that my skills didn't rust that much though.. i'm still not bad..^^ *grinz

maybe going to play badminton next week again! heex.. can't wait!! :( but i'm having muscles aches though, think it'll be fine by next week...HAD TO GO RESTRING MY RACKET!! ASAP!! *reminder to catherine

i'm tired.. i need rest.. oh man, tmr's gonna be damn boring.... cos i don't know what to do... and my gf have got stuff to do.. damn sad....

2008-08-27T17:59:00.001+08:00

thanks to adriel to let me discover the beauty of poetry...

tmr emath paper 2!! arg!!

2008-08-26T21:09:00.011+08:00

how long will this pain in me last? when will this heart heal? will it hurt any deeper? i can't stand it any longer...sigh........i should be happy, to see you happy... that's what i SHOULD feel....

arg... nose bleeding again..bleed for i dunno how many times already.... idiotic.......

i sucks at writing poems...

Dire Uncertainty

Home of an adopted orphan,
where nightmares occurs often.
The surrounding's so warm,
but deep inside, badly torn.

Fundamental misunderstanding,
makes the thoughts drift apart.
Break down and crying,
unable to untie this knot in my heart.

Umpteen attempts,
tidying the hair that's unkempt,
as fake smiles sat around the table,
everything seems to be acceptable.

Unrevealed mask,
not even to the very loved ones.

A question I would want to ask,
when will these pains be gone?

2008-08-25T22:30:00.002+08:00

today someone asked me to go watch a movie... i feel so excited... i didn't know how i should feel, i feel more excited than any dates that i'm going out with... :) the person's my dad... heex...

we watched "money not enough" it's a good movie i should say... that's what all this are gonna happen in the later years of life... this movie is very practical... it well describes how most of the life of the singaporeans are... the arguments and complains of what most of the singaporean feels, but didn't voice out...

there's a question that i thought over it... does poverty means $0.00 in your back account? or an empty wallet that you bring around all the time? in poverty, i realise, many things are true, true love, true friends, true brotherhood and true sisterhood.... you don't need to worry that anyone will be coming after you cos of your money,1 possibility of fake friends have been cancelled off...

blog tmr mum's nagging...

2008-08-24T21:58:00.003+08:00

everytime, after reading mogu's blog, i just envy her and dan... their love story has started, and i hope it would never end... :) they're just so sweet.... how i wish that i have a love story that belongs to me and the one i love...however, this seems to be impossible...

cos....

it has always been my one sided love, and wishful thinking;i suppose....

i hope i'll be able to start a love story after my o levels;hole in the heart... i just feel so empty... really empty... i don't know how should i describe this, but i think, empty, is the right word..

blog again tmr... am in pain... need to go home, am at teresa's hse...

2008-08-24T17:47:00.002+08:00

bruised all over, it's painful... arg... so irritating when will all this kinda beatings stopped... this is so irritating... words that i say aren't significant to anyone... how cruel can this be... explanations from me, taken as bullshit... speaking out how i feel emotionally... are you even willing to hear.. assumptions, are all you have... nothing real enough to be believe,like all those incredibles tales that i'm made up... this is all so shit man... i'm too tired already.... this is just a cycle, it repeats again and again...

arg!! pains...... sucks man....

2008-08-24T01:54:00.003+08:00

I’ve finished watching a show, it has got so many many bad people in it… I totally hate that show, several times, I switched off the tv…

Then, my dad told me, when you get into this society, this is how cruel it will be… I didn’t need to wait till I’m in the society, I’m already facing all this now…. Hypocrites, two-faced monsters, people who stepped onto each other, and try to get to the peak by HOOK OR BY CROOK... this is just too cruel..but for the survivor of oneself... they are pardoned... :)

i just confirmed that, having a good character, just make someone shines automatically... this, i nvr have any doubt in that.... but there are just some people, who can't accept this kinda fact... the temptations to get a very good looking partner never be satisfied...

there's a friend of mine, who has a gf, i didn't know if he falls for lust or whatever, it somehow made me feel that, he's being very nice to her, because he's her bf, in the name...there may not be love,in between two person who looks wonderful...

and...

after i watched the show... i realise that honesty between a couple is very important... that's what i always believe...but it's the hardest to achieve,between a couple...another thing that comes along with this is trust..honesty and trust shall put their hands together, and couples won't quarrel that often...

hmm... but i'm wondering..... what's love? what's life? what's death? what's after life?

i asked myself these everytime... i asked for others' opinions, everyone's answers differs... today, a death stumbled into my life... someone fainted in front of me, and soon passed away when the ambulance arrived... is this how fragile a life is...

a peaceful death, worth to be envied... but a real quick and sudden one...

i was very shock... it suddenly dawned upon me, and make me feel grateful, that i'm able to wake up again, each time i closes my eyes, each time i faint....... will it so happen to me that one fine day, when i bleed too much, or am just too upset, that i collapse and never wakes up again... well, i hope this is the kinda death i have though... :)

2008-08-23T18:02:00.006+08:00

rain rain rain and rain, why does it always rain on a saturday?

dull weather, dull mood..

adriel posts something that i think that is very very logical.....

i think that.....

it's hard to trust ppl, and also hard for others to put their trust on you... once trust broken, that's the end... i used to trust ppl, like my humans teacher, my media tech teacher in charge, my pe teachers, and hell lots of my other friends...

unfortunately, the trusts for these ppl had been broken, each time it's broken, my heart shatters... especially for someone like me who's very emotional...

all these had made me feel wary of everyone around me.. i always wonder what motive this person(exceptions) has if they treat me good.... it's so scary... this kinda feeling, like you nvr know when you will stepped on a mine while walking on a beautiful meadow in cambodia.... it's that scary.... at least for me....

but what can you do.. but to continue this walk, and try to appreciate this meadow, instead of thinking of what you're stepping on.. but this is definitely hard.. but life still have to go on! arg!! that's why i hate life!!

2008-08-22T23:04:00.003+08:00

i seriously need to get some sense back into me... i can't go on like that.. this is suicidal.. i feel as if i've practically given up my life........................i dunno what to blog bout.. i feel that everything's getting further and further, or am i unknowingly keeping myself away..........

went to bugis with syiqin, and shane.. well, sorry for my absence for the 2 hours.. but am glad that you guys are able to sit at the mac for 2 hours plus... just merely talking..=)

2008-08-21T22:07:00.006+08:00

i just realise that my heart's frozen... i don't know why... perhaps the injuries that it has gone thru, has shut it all up... nothing said seemed to go into me... the betrayal from teachers, the betrayal from friends.... out of a sudden, all this pain in me comes all at a time.... i don't understand how this works... but can anyone help me find myself, and gain my trust... it seems that i am living alone in this world... i don't know who to trust, and words come to me as crap.. even if i know that they are logical somehow... arg!!! this feeling is just not nice at all....

it's like...

you're in an ice cave, all by yourself;isolated, or should i say i quarantined myself... it's so cold in here.... and this chill has gotten to my heart...and it will soon stop beating....

i seemed to be shutting myself up.....i would like to talk to others... but i just don't know what to talk bout..... arg!!!!! i think this period of time, i've pissed off many ppl..... i know that..... but i could do nth, just nth.... to make the clock turn the way it shouldn't turn............... neither can i change the past...

2008-08-20T20:11:00.005+08:00

"Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don't win, unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself." -Richard M. Nixon

i'm trying to control, but the more i control this fire in me, the more it seemed to take over me... i'm scared.... i feel so depressed... i feel that NTH, i really mean, NTH could make me feel any better. i can't see myself. i can't recognise myself, not anymore. Totally helpless. Waiting for destruction of myself. It's painful, it's scary... i didn't know what will happen. things are always unpredictable...

*cat's in agony.....

2008-08-19T22:38:00.002+08:00

1) sigh.......... i just feel so so so stressed up... the homework are piling... it's like never ending! god damn it!

2) upper ribs jagging out again... hurts even when i breathe.. so irritating, hands are all numb for 2 weeks already, it never gets any better..... and.. as usual, nose bleeding profusely again...... arg!!!!! FUCK LARX!!!! can my body stop being so troublesome!!! why my health's like so terrible!!!! i hate myself man!!!! sigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so depressing!!! the medicines needed to take, the cash need to be saved for this... arg.. it's not what a 16 years old need..... i really feel like giving up my health sia............. nevertheless.. people don't understand what the patients are going through....... assumptions like.. aiya... just want to skip sch den say lar! fuck man!!! it's not nice at all, everytime lessons skipped, no one had any idea how hard you're trying to catch up with the lessons! so those fucking assholes, pls don't assume!!! imagine if you're fucking sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~roar!~

3) mogu and me is ignoring ikabu... it's not that i'm difficult to appease... it's just

“Anger at lies last forever. Anger at truth can’t last.”- Greg Evans

it had be easier for me, if she apologised... but she didn't! arg!!! so infuriating! "let go! let go! cat..." is what i told myself... but upon seeing her in sch..... i just can't calm down, i don't even know what to talk to her about.... it's tough feeling angry..... i just dislike it... it hurts my heart though... sigh........ but this is not the first time... shitty explanation, shitty excuses.... how am i gonna take all this shit! i'm not a toilet bowl for god's sake!!! SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just can't tolerate liars.. especially those who comes out with stupid and retarded explanations, that's totally not convincing enuf at all... arg!! stop it sia!!!

to those who've "buayed" me and lied to me... i don't mind if it's not everytime, but it just can't happen like everytime..... i'm sorry that it's my fault that i don't have such a high tolerance when i thought i have... i'm useless ok......

4) today saw mogu in pain, i feel so helpless that i can't do anything... i really want to send her the medicine, but my maid has thrown them away.... i'm so so so sorry mogu.....

5) i had fun playing with match sticks today.. new ways(to me) i've learnt to play with it..hahax...i'm so sure i'm gonna buy 20 boxes of it to chalet.. or to any where that i'm slacking... to curb my boredom..hahax...but i definitely can't to that at home.. god knows what will start burning...........

6) arg!! i don't know if i want to buy the prom tickets anot.... aiyo.... cos i don't know if my gfS are buying it anot... seriously, i don't really look so much towards the prom night anymore.... sigh.. sweet sixteen? lolx... forget it.. this few years have been terrible enuf.....

* i just feel so depressed today.. sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.........................................................................

2008-08-19T11:25:00.002+08:00

What if you sincerely believe that something is true, but you were dead wrong… that’s gonna be insane…

I don’t have the confidence to admit.. cos I never know if it would be someone else… do pardon me for my inferiority… I hated it much more than anyone do… I bet, you know how low my self-esteem is….

It somehow makes me feel like I’m in a dream, and I never dared ask if the person is me… I’m afraid… I’m scared… that the hold in my heart will widened, if the answer is not the desired one… I’m afraid to accept this cruel truth…

The soft voice whispered, like the devil destined to tear me apart,
“I’m sorry my dear, anybody but not you… “

“ouch!” it hurts, this pain always held me breathless… heart seemed to be feeling lethargic, not even wanting to circulate the blood in me…

I admit my foolishness from jumping off the cliff… but that’s just how silly I am, and how stupid I am… I know that will bring two extremes feeling that I could feel, the and your voice will be heard once again…

Why not a bigger hint, for a dumb ass like me? To allow me to acknowledge your presence, if you’re with me…

*best part in “New Moon” I didn’t copy paste though..^^

2008-08-17T16:03:00.002+08:00

well, there's a new poem,written by adriel, it's really sweet.... so sweet that i kinda envy the her in his poem... :) oops... hahax...

well, fallen sick, having flu.. but taking panadols le... thanks to the rain that i was trapped in ytd... but feeling better now le...^^nth much today,though the day have not end yet... :) boring, is all what i could say, meeting syiqin soon.. to photocopy worksheets.. think she'll make my day better... :)

2008-08-17T02:42:00.003+08:00

well, this is a new editted version of my poem, and it comes with a title now!! heex......... ^^ and it sounds nicer now though..... :)

Angels' bliss

Sleepless night,
but it's beautiful,
with the angels, the devils backs away.
Everything's peaceful like a mid-summer day;
this kind of feeling is simply wonderful.

The angels' presence,
make the time stop ticking,
and the earth stop spinning.
Everything's frozen at this beautiful moment of false pretence.

Tried to sleep,but to no avail,
the candies from the angels made my mind sail,
the sweetness it provides,
kept me awake like the rolling tides...

A smile drew oh so wide,
upon thinking of the angels by my side.
My heart stops beating ,
when the gorgeous angel is nearing...

2008-08-16T15:49:00.007+08:00

well, i come out with this when i'm half conscious, before i went to have my nap.... damn tired..can't really think though... hahax...and i can't think of any name for this.. any suggestion, anybody?? :)

Sleepless night,but a beautiful one,
Angels' with me, devils backs away.
there's no nightmares,everything's peaceful,
this kinda feeling is simply wonderful.

the angels' presence,
make the time stop ticking,
and the earth stop spinning.
Everything's frozen at this beautiful moment.

Tried to sleep, but unsuccessful,
the candies from the angels,
the sweetness it provides,
kept me awake...

A smile flashed,
upon thinking of the angels.
Heartbeat may stop,
when the gorgeous angel came near...

2008-08-14T23:37:00.004+08:00

I REALLY HATE TEACHERS!!
THEY ARE...
IRRESPONSIBLE!!
UNREASONABLE!!!
HYPOCRITES!!!
LIARS!!!!

was damn unlucky today..i've gotta go for detention,accompanied by 5 demerit points....just cos i missed half an hour of lesson,UNINTENTIONALLY!! the instruction given aren't clear..it's just a miscommunication.... i'm not finding excuse for myself.. but if i really did, purposely skipped the lesson and go out for lunch, upon knowing that there's lessons afterwards, i won't mind the punishment, but it's UNINTENTIONAL! i've apologise, i've explain, what does the teacher wants,she's bound to punish us, and she just don't want to hear us talk! she says that i'm out of the sch compound before 2pm, and that's part of truancy! god damn it, i'm not the only one who went out..there's so many ppl who went out.. arg!!!! idiotic!!!!!!

syiqin still didn't get her ez-link card upon going for her detention ytd.... what the hack! cos the OM wasn't there, and he took their ez-link cards! how irresponsible that is!!!! arg!!!

my teacher lost my mobile,and when my parents called, he merely says that it just gone missing like that... what kinda reason is that! ridiculous! i save up $300 bucks for that phone!! and even blamed me for not going to look for him immediately after the incident!! bull shit!!! he's the first one i went to!! and the teachers keep pushing me around... it seems like no one wants to take responsibility for this... FUCKED UP MAN!!!

teachers betraying my trust, pretended they understand me..and bad mouth bout me behind my back, i didn't believe if i didn't ACCIDENTALLY heard it by myself!!!!

what kinda society is this!!! it's so corrupted!!! so complicated!!!! arg!!! and to claim themselves as top sch in the west... stop all these bull shits man!!!!

i used to respect teachers alot... after so many events, i don't think i need to... arg.... irresponsible freaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i tot i could put down my hatred towards my teachers... and here it comes again......................................... disgustingly clear in my mind!!!

2008-08-13T22:32:00.009+08:00

woah! i published 3 posts today!! heex.. proud of myself... and i've got a B3 for my MT.. damn depressing, had to retake it.. sigh... sadded....

national day! photos beautified! hahax..^^

ready to get out of house! woohoo! the smile not that complete though, but at least i smiled..^^

the smile soon faded...
"i can't smile without you,and i can't sing without you....."
am missing you... you know who you are...^^

the sweet couple.. there's more.. but i didn't manage to snap on them..^^

ladies of the night! ^^

guys of the night... ^^ kinda gay.. but all of us are feeling gay that night!

2008-08-13T16:14:00.005+08:00

Recently, have been mesmerize by a poem.. it's nice...i really love it lots...^^

Title: Brutal Perfections (*wondering can paste it in my blog anot.. later canna sue..hahax..^^)
Author: Adriel ^^

and this is from Shane......

Thanks for the Morning greeting! :)

Today art a new day,
oh hear the birds sing.
Listen to what they say,
They have a message to bring.
Forget the past,
live the present.
Live the present,
the past forgotten.

Poems can be simple,
easy to understand.
It's to be conveyed,
words you could comprehend.
So let the world know,
the pain,
the anguish,
the sorrow,
by this evil man.

I'd help in anyway i can,
i would hold your hand,
i'd tell tell you with sincerity and honesty,
that i'd be a friend,
now,
forever,
till this life meets it's end.
- Shane -

2008-08-13T16:02:00.003+08:00

well,this is how i feel,thus randomly wrote something out of it.. it don't sound nice though.. perhaps it doesn't make sense, but since i wrote it, i'd rather post it out.. hahax.. anyone who read it and thinks that i need amendments.. feel free to tell me..^^

End Of Everything
Walking on this road that leads to somewhere,
stopping shall never be in my mind.
Be it to the heaven, or the hell,
there will eventually be an end to this.

Fire that i walked on,
water that i floated on,
shoulders that i laid on,
shall soon be gone.

The castles of knowledge,
the princes and princesses in there,
fighting for what they deserves.
While warriors and officials fights for the highest post.

This is the time, when doves are hunted,
as extinction soon approach,
when eagles attacks humans,
darkness shall soon engulf the world,forever.

2008-08-11T23:41:00.002+08:00

" it's only after you've lost everything,den you can do anything! "

thus i'm prepared, to lost everything, and give up on everything! this is my life, nothing gets better than this.. this damn life i have.. i hate it... hahax.. but i've got to live with it, the only things that can makes it better, is to give up everything.... here i am... trying to give up everything, friendships, families, relationships, hatred, love,expectations and i mean, everything... i am trying my best to achieve this... cos somehow, one day, our life will end..it's just a matter of time... can anyone achieve this, give up everything?after you're able to do this, for me, i had feel like a golem, or perhaps slightly better than a golem...

thanks adriel, for sending me the link on this clip...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxgF2lA6kL8&feature=related

2008-08-11T21:21:00.004+08:00

i swear, i'm exhausted... can anyone tell me how do be heartless,and without pain...

I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO BE HEARTLESS... CAN ANYONE HELP!?!

how the hell would anybody,lend their listening ears to an enemy she/he hates.. that cause so much pains.... i'm such a fool... i'm just a stupid!!!!!!!!! is that why ppl take me for granted,be it sisters, brothers, friends, best friends, whoever they address themselves for.... when i'm not needed, chuck me to one side?

nvm..... i think i should enclose myself........... in my own world, drown in sorrows, but no one should know it.......... i'm trying my best to put on this mask.......... i'm trying......

2008-08-11T10:21:00.004+08:00

good morning bloggie, here i am again............... aren't you sick of seeing me here, AGAIN.... lolx...i rather type it out here than write it on a paper... cos.... i'll eventually lose the piece of papar....

i had a nightmare ytd..... it's scary......i don't think i wanna tell the world bout the content of this nightmare......

i feel worthless;my presence aren't important at all. day by day, i've been wondering, if i did not exist..... the world could still be so beautiful and also even more beautiful for people arnd me....

perhaps, that's the reason why i am able to keep very quiet in a crowd... keep very quiet in a group outing....i now realise that...there's something that i'm thinking,when i'm keeping quiet....

i'm imagining that if i do not exist... that's why i feel like a wandering spirits...

i feel so out of place, cos i realise that this place that i'm in, will me more beautiful without my presence... or should i say, i needn't to be here at all...

but so what if i shouldn't exist.... what can i do? i've always made this wish....

dear god/santa claus/satan/whoever,just someone who's able to do this,
take this damn life away from me, if you aren't able to make it better....i'm prepared to leave anytime.... but i pray that it's a swift one.....

i've been having this wish since pri 4....... and i'm now in sec 4... it's been 7 years.... how long must i wait for this day to come.... i dreads my life....